Scenes from a Rogue Life
by TheBlueFoxtrot A Samba
Summary: Rogue's ridiculously ludicrous growing up years with her father Logan and 'Uncle' Wade. AU BlueVerse
1. Desert Run

This is weird. I started this at twelish in the morning. On coffee. Um, I don't know. The stars are what I finished sober. I didn't even know. It was funny at the time.

Disclaimer: Not Mine

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"Oh."

"What?" Logan asked from the driver's seat of the truck. Wade sat next to him enthuisiastically crooning some Dean Martin song but he was channeling Jerry Lewis. (I love them) His throat was still intact because Logan had gotten very good at tuning him out.

"Uh, you remember that talk we had a while ago 'bout, um, 'periods'?" Rogue sheepishly asked.

Wade stopped singing and sat very still. Logan looked her through the rearview mirror.

"Yeah."

"Well, I think I'm havin' mine now."

"Bugger," Wade muttered. "Sucks to be you right now."

"Shut up," she growled at him. Usually not very intimidating from the thirteen year old girl. But this was not just any girl. This was Rogue, the Wolverine's daughter whom they had been training for the past seven, eight years at her insistance. The girl who could lay a grown man out in a coma for weeks with her pinky. The girl who had no reservations shooting him in the balls whose father encouraged the behavior if she deemed him 'out of line. This was the girl experiencing 'womanhood problems'. Despite popular belief, Wade was not a stupid man. So he mentally took a vow of silence.

"I need ya to stop at a gas station or somethin'," Rogue groaned as she curled up in a ball on the back seat.

"Sure thing, Stripes."

Now there was one slight problem with that. They were in Nevada going through a desert and the last building they saw was an abandoned shack with graphic graffiti on it thirty miles back. It was another half hour before they came to a small little town. And when I say small, I mean miniscule. Being that they were in a desert, there were no trees, no grass. Everything was brown and dirt. Most of the buildings had not been remodeled apparently since the town's founding in the 1920's. There was a sign that read 'Welcome to Haven on Earth'.

Wade twitched. He hated places like this. Everyone, I mean everyone, was always just so excited about newcomers. Immediately, they're all up in your face, asking questions. And there was always a Bubba, and a nice old grandma who wanted to fix you up with her granddaughter. And they were so unnaturally nice and polite and happy. Even the kids. Obviously, they were pod people. Pod people were a no. He would have suggested that they keep going but he had taken a vow and he would not speak until Rogue's 'transformation' was over.

They passed three shops though it was impossible to tell what those were due to the writing having faded off and parked in front of what appeared to be a drug store, judging from the merchandise inside.

Logan parked it and looked at Rogue.

"Alright, Stripes, we're here."

She raised up from her fetal position and looked through at the pharmacy.

"I can't go in."

"Why not?"

"There's a boy runnin' the register and I think I bled through my shorts."

Wade gagged. Logan scrubbed a hand through his hair and looked at the man next to him who was sitting and twiddling his thumbs. He felt Logan looking and glanced at him, flashed him a smile, and almost looked away before he froze. He slowly turned back to him and looked his friend, his comrade, his DNA buddy in the eye with true horror.

"No," he whispered. So much for that vow of silence.

"Get out the truck."

"Not happening," he got louder.

"Wade, go get the stuff."

"Logan, I'd love to really but I don't want to leave my comfort zone and really, you know how us psychos are."

"Get out the truck and go get it."

"You do it! She's your kid! You were the one who married Miss Blue with Issues! You knocked her up, you go buy it!"

"Yeah. I also saved your no-good hide, let you ride in my truck, put up with your complete idiocy, feed you on the daily, and you can't do this one thing for me?"

"…well, maybe."

"It better be definitely or else I will haul your sorry butt out my truck and leave you here."

"GASP! You wouldn't!" he looked around frantically and saw a mechanic shop with a man standing in front, wiping his hands on a rag. He'd bet his bazooka his name was Bubba.

"Will one of you just go get the damn things before I freakin' kill you?" Rogue moaned with an aggravated tone and a whimpered, "Please."

Now he felt bad.

"Yeah, don't worry, Sunshine. I'm on it," Wade reassured.

He sat in his seat mentally hyping himself up.

"_You got this. _

_I got this._

_You so got this. _

_I so got this. Why is that?_

_Because YOU are THE Deadpool!_

_I'm the Deadpool!_

_No, YOU are THE Deadpool!_

_I AM THE Deadpool!_

_The Merc with a Mouth, baby!_

_The Merc with a Mouth, oh yeah!"_

When Deadpool came back from his mental pep rally, he noticed Logan staring at him.

"Seriously? You still do that?"

"Occasionally. Now, what am I getting?"

Logan considered for a moment if he should be sending Wade to do this. And in that moment, he decided he really, really didn't want to do it himself.

"Right," he sighed. "You're gettin', erm, pads, plain and simple. Just make sure they have wings on 'em. And chocolate, lots of that, maybe an ice cream bar or two. Get her some Motrin or Advil, too. And – wait, didn't you date that one girl for six months?"

"Mmhmm," Deadpool murmured, grinning.

"Didn't she make you get this stuff?"

He nodded.

"So why are you – "

"Because hearing you talk about it is so very funny," a full blown smile now.

"Hell-freakin'-O! Dyin' girl back here!"

"Right, sorry, going!" Deadpool scrambled out of the truck and rushed into the store, studiously pretending like he didn't see the two old men in front of a barbershop who waved at him.

A bell jingled when he opened the door which immediately set the adrenaline pumping. It's begun.

"Hello, sir! Is there anything I can help you with today?" a boy of seventeen addressed him politely, smiling brightly. A little too politely. His name tag said 'Billy'/

He stalked over to counter and leaned across until he was inches from the boy's face and looked into his eyes. His soulless eyes.

"I'm only going to ask this once, Billy. Where are. The feminine. Products?"

If possible, the smile got even brighter.

"Those are on the third aisle, sir. Do you want me to show you?"

"No!" he ordered as he slowly backed up. "You stay right there. Understand? Do not move."

"Yes, sir! Do you need a basket?"

He paused a moment then snatched it from him.

"I'm watching you."

He eased over to the aisle and perused the shelf while keeping the boy in his peripheral. The boy never stopped with his eerie smiling. The kid was making him uneasy so he just grabbed a random pack and dropped it in the basket. He moved away before he backtracked and put three other random brands in as well. He went back up to the counter and dumped the products out.

"Chocolate. Where?"

"Right behind you, sir!"

He glanced behind him and sure enough, there was a rack of chocolate. He looked back at Billy and blindly reached for the candy and dropping it on the counter.

"Ice cream and soda."

"To your left, sir!"

To his left there was a full freezer display that was not there before. He didn't question it, just grabbed whatever, dropping it on the counter.

"Motrin."

Billy started to reach under the counter but stopped when Deadpool pointed a gun at his head.

"Is there a problem, sir?" his smile was really creeping him out.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting your medicine, sir."

"Uh-huh. Do it then, slowly," he cautioned and watched as the kid pulled out an unopen bottle of Motrin.

"Will that be all, sir?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's it," his gun was still trained on him as Billy began ringing him up.

His trigger finger started twitching. He could feel it trying to squeeze. It wouldn't matter. He was a pod person. Just a pod person. They don't have souls anyway. Why not? Why –

"Sir?"

"Huh?"

"Your total, sir," Billy pointed to the screen.

"Oh," he fished a hundred out of his pocket after he shoved the gun in his waistband and calmly grabbed the bags.

"Keep the change," he turned and bolted for the door.

"Have a nice day, sir!" Billy called as the bell dinged over the door.

Deadpool burst through the door, yanked open the truck and dove in, panting like he had run a marathon, shoving the bags to Rogue.

"Here. Logan, drive."

She looked through the bags and happily pulled out a chocolate bar.

"I need a bathroom."

"Okay. Wade, was there a – "

"Drive the truck," he didn't even look at him. He was still watching Smiley Billy through the window.

*"But – "

"She can do it in the middle of the desert! There are no cars and I'm certainly not going to look! Just GO!"

Wade was visibly shaking at this point.

"Whatever."

Logan pulled out the town and stopped a few miles out so Rogue could handle her lady business. As the two men sat stone steady looking only forward, Logan asked Wade,

"What was that all about?"

"Obviously, the authoress had coffee and decided 'Hey, why not write a story? This will be so funny.' Not."

"O.K." he replied and wondered if he could find a telepath to wipe this entire thing from his mind. *

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A/N: I'm sure that later when I come off the coffee, I'm just gonna be like What the butterscotch.

**queenith2: **Your babysitting thingy is in the works but slow coming. It's just that I thought of this a while ago and wanted to put it up before I forgot. This didn't exactly turn out how I first thought though. I mean it was totally different. But the caffeine took over my brain.

Review peoples. Yes funny? No funny? Lemme know.

BTW, I LOVE COFFEE!

*suggestions for next story are welcome*


	2. I Blame You and Monday

Disclaimer: If I owned them, there would be a black Camaro with gold race stripes in my front yard. There isn't. 8( How can I go on? Ooh, chocolate!

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Mondays were evil days. Everything terrible started with Monday. There was no doubt that Marcus Taylor, Miss Tripp, and Barney were born on Mondays. At least, this was ten-year old Anna Howlett's opinion as she sat in the principal's office.

She adjusted the ice pack on her hand and blew a strand of curly auburn hair out of her face, looking decidedly bored. It wasn't her fault. She told that Marcus boy to leave her alone, gave him fair warning. He had ignored her threats and the fact that she was already well-known for losing her temper. Of course, she'd never hit anyone before…that they could prove.

The door leading into the room opened, and Miss Tripp, the principal, walked in closing the door behind her. Miss Tripp was, in Anna's opinion, a prettyish woman with dark hair who would possibly be very nice if she got a boyfriend or hobby other than getting on her case about previous incidents that no one could prove she actually had anything to do with. She looked at Anna, sighed, and took her seat in her own chair.

"Anna."

"Ma'am?" Anna drawled, making it a two syllable word.

"Would you like to explain to me why you knocked Marcus Taylor's tooth out?"

She couldn't help it. Anna snickered.

"Anna," Miss Tripp's voice scolded mildly and Anna schooled her features into a mix of innocence and amusement.

"I didn't mean to, honest," and actually sounded sorry, too, "But that boy had it comin' and the tooth was already loose anyway."

"That is not the point. You are not supposed to attack your fellow classmates."

"He started it," she defended as if that should pardon her from any punishment. In her mind, it should.

"He hit you first?"

"No, but – "

At just that moment, the door burst open and a brown haired man rushed in and knelt at Anna's side.

"Sunshine, are you all right? I was watching Golden Girls and there was a message on the phone that said you'd been in a fight! I came over as soon as the show went off. What happened? Are you hurt? Do I need to kill someone?"

"Just busted my hand a little. I'm fine," she rolled her grey eyes.

"That's what you said before but you so were not fine!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

"Excuse me," Miss Tripp felt the need to interrupt," Who are you?"

"Wade Wilson, a.k.a Deadpool, a.k.a the Merph mimf a moumph," he turned to Anna who had a hand firmly over his mouth. "Vrut er yur doing?"

She gave him a pointed look.

"Mooh yah. My badf."

She removed her hand and addressed the principal.

"This is my uncle, Wade. Did you call Logan's job, too?"

Miss Tripp raised a brow at her use of her father's first name.

"Yes, I did call your _father_ after I called your house first. He's on his way now."

"Jimmy's not going to appreciate that at all," Wade told her from his crouched position.

"I thought Mr. Howlett's name was Logan."

"Duh, lady. Ever heard of a middle name?" Wade rolled his eyes. "I swear, some people…"

"Mr. Wilson, since you are not Anna's primary guardian, your presence here is not necessary."

"Oh, what? Since I didn't _do_ her mom like Jimmy, and Vicky, and –"

"Wade! I do not want to hear this."

"But she's trying to get rid of me! I don't want to go and you," he stood up and jabbed a finger in Miss Tripp's face," can't make me! So ha!"

"Mr. Wilson, I –"

"Stop calling me that. It's so creepy," he proved his point by shuddering.

Anna noticed Miss Tripp was silent a moment and deduced that she was just now starting to really question Uncle Wade's mental state. Apparently, she was a little slow.

"All right then, Wade, I –"

"Did I give you permission to call me Wade? I don't remember telling you that," he turned to Anna. "Did I?"

"Nope."

He turned back around.

"Didn't think so."

Miss Tripp tried again.

"Sir?"

"Call me Jack."

"Jack."

"Ma'am?" he drawled it out, making it two syllables.

"Would you mind waiting in the anteroom please?"

"Yes, I would actually. Unless you have chimichangas. Then we can talk. But we've already been doing that haven't we? I mean –"

"That is it! Enough with your shenanigans."

"Shenanigans? Did you just cuss me out in Irish?"

Miss Tripp slapped her hands over face and just sat there. Wade looked at her curiously with his head tilted to the side.

"Is she trying to suffocate herself?" he asked Anna who just shrugged.

"What are you doin' here?" a gruff voice demanded from the door, causing Anna to jump and a knot of dread to form in her stomach.

"Jimmy! Well, I was at home watching Golden Girls but then – "

"Don't care. Go wait out there," he pointed to the waiting room.

"But I – "

"I said 'go'," he growled out.

Wade sighed, hung his head, and stepped towards the door. And stepped. And stepped one. Foot. At. A time.

"Damn it, Wade," Logan reached out to grab him, but he dodged and ran out the room, slamming the door behind him. Logan grunted, glanced at Anna who was looking the _other_ way, and addressed the principal.

"What's all this about?"

Miss Tripp studied him a moment, as if she could tell by staring if he was saner than the other. He looked normal enough as he leaned against the wall next to his daughter, if a little…rough. He was acting calmer than the other man, at least.

"Mr. Howlett," she paused to see if he would object to using his last name. He merely raised a bushy brow so she continued. "Your daughter got into an unnecessary fight with one of the students here."

"Blasphemy! All fights are necessary!" Wade called from the other side of the door.

"A fight?" he ignored Wade's outburst. He looked Anna over, pausing at the ice pack on her hand, and sniffed.

"She looks fine, and she's not bleeding. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that she knocked the other student's tooth out."

"Oh, yeah! We're taking body parts now!" Wade crowed again and was studiously ignored.

"That true?"

She nodded, still not looking at him and pulling her hair.

"I can't hear you."

"Yes, sir."

"The boy was sent home, and his parents were alerted as well. Anna will be suspended for a week. This is not the first time she hasn't gotten along with other children, but it is the first time she has struck one of them."

"Is that all?"

"Well, yes, but –"

"Then we're leavin'. Let's go, kid," he pushed himself off the wall and went to the door.

"But Mr. Howlett, I suggest your daughter speak with the school counselor. Her behavior needs to be dealt with and - "

"I'll deal with her behavior when I get home. I don't need you or anyone else tellin' me how to raise my kid. Got it?"

The discussion was over as far as he was concerned, and he turned his back on the woman. Logan opened the door, and Wade fell over from his position leaning on the door.

"Owie."

Logan stepped over him as did Anna, and they both exited the office. Wade picked himself up, and dusted himself off before looking at Miss Tripp.

He winked at her.

"Call me," then walked out, leaving her there gaping after him for several minutes.

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Anna sat quietly in the passenger seat of her father's truck. Wade had driven his motorbike and went off to who knows where, so they rode in silence. A very uncomfortable, gut wrenching silence for Anna. She just knew she was in trouble. Just because they taught her a how to fight didn't mean she was supposed to go around knocking boys' teeth in. No matter how much they deserved it.

"Tell me what happened."

She glanced at him but he still had his eyes on the road.

"Um, I…it…"

"Just start at the beginnin', darlin'. When you get to the end, stop."

She felt the dread ease a bit. She couldn't be in too much trouble if he was calling her 'darlin''. Right?

"I told you 'bout Marcus Taylor before."

"Annoyin', little barfface toad, Marcus Taylor?"

"Yeah. Well, I wanted to play kickball with him and the other boys at recess, but they wouldn't let me 'cuz I'm a girl, and I told them they were stupid, and Marcus Taylor said that I should do what girls do and started makin' kissy faces at me so I punched him in the face like how you taught me, and I hurt my hand but not real bad and knocked his tooth out," she stopped to take a breath. "But it was already loose."

Logan was quiet for a while as he went over everything she had told him in his mind on slow-mo.

"The right hook?" he asked sounding impressed.

"Yeah. He started cryin' like a baby," Anna told him proudly.

"That's my girl."

Anna broke into a broad grin.

"Can your girl have ice cream?"

He gave her a look.

She gave him a pout.

"Please, Daddy."

He sighed.

"Whatever you want, darlin'."

She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you."

"You, too, kid."

But Mondays were still of the devil.

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**A/N:**I love nonsense. There are a couple of quotes in here. I wonder if anyone will spot them.

I was gonna throw the kid and his father in their and there would be that whole 'I bet my dad could beat up your dad' conversation. But decided not to. Idk y.

Ok, I really can't resist throwin' Wade around. You can do anything with him and you don't even have to explain it. Y'all should try it. Review this for me. Like it, yes? Like it, no?

And yeah, I know 'prettyish' is not a word.

For the bedtime story fic, what should Logan read to her? Y'all should know by now, I ain't gonna do it normal.


	3. Billionaires and Dolls, part 1

This is dedicated to **queenith2** who gave me this idea. It's gonna be at least 3, maybe 5 chapters. Long enough for ya?

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**Billionaires and Dolls, part 1**

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"You have a meeting in the morning with the Shi'iar Inc. people. When you get home, I want you to go directly to bed. That means no tinkering around in your lab or the garage or anything else. Tony!"

"Yes, Pep?" he was absently playing with a strand of her flaming orange hair. She moved her head and frowned at him.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Why wouldn't I be listening?"

"Because you're you."

"And who am I?" he asked with a sly grin.

She sighed deeply.

"I am not playing this game with you now."

He smiled at her, for real, and she couldn't help but think he should smile like that more.

"Humor me."

She crossed her arms.

"No."

He pouted.

"Aw come on."

"No."

He rolled his chocolate brown eyes. She was getting stubborn again. Really, Pepper Potts was the most stubborn, determined, intelligent, beautiful, sweetest, caring woman he'd ever met.

"Happy," he called to his driver," will you humor me?"

Happy glanced at him through the rearview mirror.

"By telling you who you are, sir?"  
"Exactly."  
"You are Anthony Edward Stark, owner and CEO of Stark Industries, Man of the Year, world renowned genius and international playboy, a –"

"I think we all know who he is now, Happy. Thank you."

"Of course, Miss Potts," he returned his eyes to the evening streets and pretended that he didn't hear the two conversing in the back of the limo, like a good driver. Honestly, sometimes he wondered why they didn't just marry each other and be done with it.

"Tony, will you please, please just be there tomorrow? Sober."

"Don't stress so much, Pep. I'll be there," he held her hand in his and looked her in the eye. "I promise."

She met his gaze a moment before removing her hand and dropping her gaze back to her Blackberry.

"Good."

She continued to click away on her little hand held as if the world's rotation depended on it. Someone should tell her it didn't. Only Stark Industries did.

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Once the limo pulled into the driveway of an ultramodern home on beachfront property, all three occupants noticed the old pick-up truck parked in the drive. Pepper glanced at Tony.

"Who is that?" Pepper questioned him.

He answered her with a grunted 'I don't know'.

"How did they even get through the gate?"

"Must be someone who knows the code," he moved to open the door, but Pepper snatched his hand away.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I thought I was getting out so Happy could take you home."

"You can't get out! There are trespassers out there, Tony."

"You're overreacting, Pep."

"I am not. Happy, go check it out."

"Stay where you are," Tony ordered him before he could move and turned to Pepper. "I'm touched that you care so much about my welfare over Happy's, but you're being ridiculous," she opened her mouth to object, but he put a finger over her mouth.

"Whoever's here is here because they have the code to get in. If they have the code, it's because it was given to them because my security system is completely hacker safe. However, since you are so concerned that when Happy takes you home and leaves me here that I'm going to get raped, I will indulge you and let him come with me to see who is here. Are you coming or would you prefer to sit?"

He caressed her mouth before moving his hand to her cheek and then dropping it.

"I'm coming with you."

"All right then," he clapped his hands together once. "Let's go."

Tony hopped out of the limo before either of them and offered his hand to Pepper with a charming grin. She accepted his help, but when she tried to get her hand back, Tony refused to let go. Before she could protest, Tony was tugging her towards the door, forcing her to follow in her three inch heels. Happy was hurrying behind them.

"Tony, slow down."

He ignored her though. If anything he went faster and only broke pace when he stopped to open the door. When they stepped through the threshold, the lights automatically came on. Tony continued to stride through his home with Pepper in tow, headed directly to the kitchen.

"Good evening, Tony, Miss Potts."

"'Sup, Jarvis."

"You have two guests, sir. It is – "

"Ah. Don't tell me. I want to see for myself if I'm right."

"What if you're wrong, Tony? They could be dangerous criminals and you just want to walk in there when they could be waiting to kill us."

"As cute as you are when you get all worked up, it'd be great if you just chill. 'Kay?"

When they rounded the corner, Tony's grin got broader, and Pepper was even more concerned. Seated at the island bar was a stocky, fierce looking man with a beer in hand.

"Old Man!" Tony exclaimed throwing his arms wide and approaching him.

"You hug me, I gut you," the feral man stated matter-of-factly as he glanced at them and took another swig from his, or Tony's, beer.

"You don't mean that," and so saying he stepped forward and decided in a split second to just give him the hood hug, where one grabs the other's arm and pats the hugged on the back.

"Tony," Pepper's voice called timidly from her place near the hall.

"Pep, come here. It's cool. This is Logan, an old friend of the family. Ancient, really," he took a moment to look him over. "You look the same as when I was a kid. If I could just figure out how you do it, I could make another fortune off of you."

Logan shrugged.

"Can't market good genes."

"True, true. So," he sat down on the stool next to Logan," what's up?"

Logan reached up and scratched the back of his neck.

"I need a…favor."

"Hey, anything."

As the words left his mouth, he heard Pepper gasp behind him. He turned and saw a little girl with curly auburn hair walk into his kitchen like she owned it.

"You ain't gone yet?" she addressed Logan as she leaned against the wall, arms folded and eyes glaring.

"Apparently not," he matched her stare.

Tony looked at the girl, at Logan, then back to the girl.

"What's the deal with the kid?" he asked but was pretty sure he already knew.

"That's my daughter, Anna Marie. I need you to watch for a few days while I handle some things."

The girl scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"I don't need a keeper. There ain't no reason why I can't go with you."(1)

"You have a daughter," Tony was bewildered by the fact that a woman would voluntarily procreate with the hairy, bad tempered Canadian. Maybe she was drunk.

"We had this conversation already. You're stayin' with Tony 'til I get back and that's final."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's gonna do what with who now?"

Logan raised a brow.

"I do believe you said 'anything'," he reminded him.

Tony just stared at him, mouth gaping as his mind scrambled for something to say, anything that would get him out of this. Then out of nowhere, Pepper laughed. All eyes turned toward her. Tony looked at her in panic, Logan looked at her warily, and Anna glanced at her from the corner of her eye, fearing she was crazy. At some point, she'd scooted inside the kitchen and was leaning against the counter near the fridge.

"I'm sorry, but you want to leave your child with _Tony_? Do you really think that's wise?"

"Hey! You say that like you don't think I can't do it."

"I didn't say that," her tone placating.

"But you implied it. Pep, I am hurt that you have so little faith in me. Obviously, you have forgotten just who I am. Happy," he called to his driver who was standing in the hall," would you be so kind as to remind Miss Potts just who she's dealing with, again?" he gave her a pointed look, to which she rolled her eyes.

"Short list or long, sir?" Happy asked with a straight face.

"Surprise us."

"You are Anthony Edward Stark, owner and CEO of Stark Industries, Man of the Year, world renowned genius and –"

"Babysitter," Logan cut him off.

"Hold on a minute. Just because I'd be awesome at babysitting your kid, doesn't mean I-"

"Would you people quit talkin' 'bout me like I'm not even here?" Anna snapped. "Don't I get a say in any of this."

"You're eight. No, you don't get a say," Logan informed her dryly.

She pouted and plopped on the floor, drawing her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs.

"You're mean."

Logan sighed and dragged a hand down his face.

"Anna, we've talked about this, and I don't want to hear anymore about it, you hear me?"

She glared at him.

"Yes, sir," she replied curtly and broke eye contact to stare at the ceiling.

"I'll do it," Tony heard someone say.

"What?" Pepper questioned. Even Logan was looking at him in surprise that he'd agreed so easily.

"_Oh. That was me."_

Tony had watched all this, thinking it over in his head. In a sense, he'd never babysat before but he was a genius and it couldn't possibly be that hard, right? Plus, he kind of felt for the kid.

"I said I'll do it. I'll watch her. I mean, what does she need? Food, entertainment, and kidnap prevention, right? I can handle that."

"You can handle keeping track of an eight year old girl while running a company when half the time, you act like you have the mental capacity of an adolescent boy?" Pepper turned to Logan, incredulous. "Really, Mr. Logan, are you sure?"

"It's just Logan. And yeah, Legs, I'm sure. Not really anywhere else I can take her."

Pepper straightened her back, put one hand on her hip, and raised a brow.

"Excuse me, 'Legs'?"

Tony chuckled.

"Yeah. Legs," Logan responded, looking pointedly at the aforementioned. His gaze slid to her face, and a wolfish grin spread across her face. "You got a nice pair."

Pepper narrowed her eyes even as she blushed.

"Whoa there, Old Man," Tony put a hand on Logan's shoulder. "Ease up on poor Pepper. She gets harassed enough as is."

"By you, I bet," Logan stood up from the stool. "So it's settled then. I won't be gone for more than five days, a week at the most."

"Uh, a week…yeah, fine, take your time. Where'd you say you were going?"

"Canada."

"Right, right."

"Don't give her a lot of sugar, and her bedtime's at nine," he looked at Anna. "Come here."

She didn't move.

"I don't want you to go," her voice hicced at the end.

Logan crouched down in front of her.

"Look at me. Anna."

She lifted her head, meeting him with a tear filled gaze.

"Darlin', don't do that," his gruff voice made it sound harsh. "You know I hate that," he reached a hand to wipe away a tear that spilled over.

"Don't go."

"I have to. I promise I'll be back. You believe me?" he held his hand on top of her head.

"Cross your heart and hope to die?" Logan mentally winced at that. That whole dying thing was kinda what he was trying to avoid. But he complied anyway.

"Cross my heart," he made the motion," and hope to die."

She considered him a moment before she practically strangled him with a hug. He returned it, but gentler.

"You don't come back, I'm not gonna forgive you," she broke off and looked him dead in the eye.

"Yeah, I kinda figured," he stood and picked her up, carrying her to the door. Tony and Pepper hesitated a moment before they both followed them to the door, Happy not far behind.

The father and daughter were in the living room, and he was once again kneeling in front of her.

"Now, you be good for Tony. Don't give him any trouble."

"Okay."

"Come here," he hugged her one last time and kissed her on the cheek. He pulled back and saw her pout. "Don't I get a kiss?" she gave him a quick peck before she backed out of his embrace.

"Would you just go before I started cryin' or somethin'?" she sniffled at the end. "The sooner you go the sooner you get back."

He stood up with a sigh and addressed Tony.

"Anything happens to my girl, I don't care how long I've known your family, I will castrate you."

Tony audibly gulped.

"No worries. Everything will be fine," Logan grunted and bent down to kiss Anna's forehead before going to his truck. He opened the door and climbed in.

"See you in a week," Tony called to him.

Logan waved before he shut the door, the engine roared to life, and he drove away. They were silent as they watched his taillights disappear out the gate that surrounded the property and a while after that. Pepper was the first to snap out of it.

"Good night, Anna, Tony," she walked out the door.

"G'night," Tony muttered distractedly. Then his brain registered what she'd said. "Whoa! Wait, wait, wait. Pepper, you just can't leave."

"It's late. It's been a long day and I need my rest. You should get some sleep too," Happy opened the door of the limo for her. "Thank you," he touched the brim of his hat.

"But, Pepper, the kid. She –"

"Is your responsibility. Really, Tony, I'm impressed that you would be so selfless and culpable. Good luck," and so saying she slammed the door and Happy drove her away.

"Whatever," he turned around and his heart almost stopped at what he saw. Or rather, didn't see. Anna was gone.

* * *

**A/N: xXWingedWereFoxXx: **In reference to your review, you're some kind of idea wizard. All of those ideas will be used. Thank you.

Anyone notice I say 'and so saying, he…' a lot? Oh, you haven't? Well, never mind then. Please ignore this and my uncreative grammatical skills.

What? Everybody knows Logan is a teddy bear. Granted, an overprotective teddy bear with six, foot long claws and a bad temper, but still.

I suppose this is kinda crossover 'cuz neither Iron Man or Deadpool appear on X Men Evolution. Gambit barely appeared on X Men Evo. But who reads crossovers? I had actually intended for this to be the first one I posted, but then I couldn't think of anywhere to take it after I started. The beginning was going to be completely different than what it is now.

I'm not sure if I channeled Tony very well. I've never read any of the comics, just saw the first movie, read a handful of fics, and I don't know how he would react with a kid. Stark Industries, that's the name of his company right? This is before Iron Man, before Afghanistan.

OMG a triple negative

So what do y'all think?

**ReVieW PeoPLe! **


	4. Billionaires and Dolls, part 2

Thank y'all for the reviews

* * *

_**"But, Pepper, the kid. She –"**_

_**"Is your responsibility. Really, Tony, I'm impressed that you would be so selfless and culpable. Good luck," and so saying she slammed the door and Happy drove her away.**_

_**"Whatever," he turned around and his heart almost stopped at what he saw. Or rather, didn't see. Anna was gone.**_

"Oh, crap!" he rushed into the house, and his eyes quickly scanned the living room.

"Is there something wrong, sir?" the A.I. asked in his humanized, mechanical voice.

"Where's Anna?" his voice was tinged with a slight amount of panic. Just slight.

"In the kitchen."

"The kitchen," he repeated as he made his way there, but his progress was impeded by several purple travel bags. He met the floor with an undignified oomph.

"Be careful," though he knew it was impossible, Tony could have sworn he heard the A.I. snicker.

"Gee, thanks," he drawled as he lay sprawled out on the floor when two small feet came into his line of vision. He raised his head to look her in the eye, and the two had a short staring contest. Anna won.

"Hello," her staring was starting to freak him out a little. Not that he wasn't used to people staring at him. Whether it was because of who he was, his good looks, or some incredibly stupid stunt, people usually stared. But he knew there reasons. He didn't know Anna's. And it was kinda freaking him out.

"Why are you on the floor?"

"I tripped," he glanced behind him.

"Why does a six year old need three bags?"

"I'm not six, I'm eight!" she narrowed her eyes at him, as if he should have already known that. "And they have important things in them."

"Really?" he sat up and folded his legs Indian stlye. "Like what?"

"None of your business."

He held up his hands in a sign of surrender, not wanting to agitate the kid.

"Got it. Need to know basis," he scratched his head and looked at his watch. "You should probably go to bed. Your bedtime was a couple hours ago."

"I'm not sleepy," she put a fist on her hip.

"You're not? Because I am beat. It's been past my bedtime for hours."

"Nuh-uh. You're a grown up. Grown ups don't have bedtime."

"This grown up does. And Pepper makes sure I stick to it."

Anna pulled her brow together in thought.

"The lady with the pretty red hair?"  
"Yeah," Tony sighed with a smile on his face.

"You like her?"

"She's great."

"Hey, look at me," Tony complied with the commanding tone in her voice that he recognized as Logan. "That ain't what I asked you. Do you like her?"

"Well, I - How come I have to answer your questions but you don't have to answer mine?"

She studied him a moment before she came to a brilliant conclusion.

"You're avoidin' the subject. So that means you do like her," she smiled, proud of her deduction.

Tony scoffed, incredulous, and wondered if this kid could see it, how many other people could, too.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter. She doesn't like me like that anyway. Even if she did, she wouldn't risk it," he was talking mostly to himself.

Anna sat down in front of him, her legs folded under her.

"Why do you say that?"

"Um," he tried to think of a way to explain this to a child and not get him in trouble with Logan. "I have one girlfriend for a week, and then another next week, and a different after that… you see where I'm going with this?"

"Yeah. You're a man-whore."

Tony gaped at her. Seriously, what was he suppose to say? It was the truth. Just what was that man teaching her?

"I…guess you could say it that way. Anyway, she knows how I am and she wouldn't want to be like," he waved a hand vaguely," that."

"Then don't be like that."

"It's not that easy."

"Do you love her?"

"What is with the questions, kid?"

She smirked at him.

"You're avoidin' the question," she said in a sing-song voice.

"You're being annoying," he mocked her tone.

"You love her."

"I'm not saying yes, and I'm not saying no."

"Just tell her."

"No way."

"Why not?"

"It's bad idea."

"Why?"

"Because it just is! Leave it alone already."

"Ugh!" Anna huffed and dragged a hand down her. "Why are boys so stupid?"

Subject change. Get it, Tony, get it!

"Oh yeah? Do you tell your boyfriend he's stupid?"

"You moron! I don't have a boyfriend. I'm eight! What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me. What's wrong with you?"

Anna clapped her hands over eyes.

"He left me with a idiot," she said in a tone of disbelief.

"Hey! I'm not an idiot. I designed this house, I have a company, made J.A.R.V.I.S, and rebuilt the engine of ten cars so far this month. An idiot couldn't do that could he?"

She peeked through her fingers at him.

"How many cars do you have?"

"How many? Ah, ten, fifte- thirty- one and a half. I think."

She removed her hands.

"I wanna see 'em."

"You have to go to bed," he told her, trying to regain control.

She pouted at him.

"Please? I promise to go to bed right after. Please, please, please?"

"_Where did the cute come from?_"

He stuggled internally for a moment before he caved.

"All right, sweetheart, but you go to bed as soon as we come back up," he tried to sound stern. If he succeeded, she ignored it.

"Cool! Let's go," she popped up and grabbed his arm, trying to drag him along and he managed to stumble to his feet. She shot off ahead of him and around the corner. He found her in front of the door that led down into the garage.

"How do you know where the garage is?"

"We were waitin' for you to get here for a long time, and I explored, but the computer man wouldn't let me go in," she explained to him excitedly. "Can I stay in the room with the blue bed?"

"Sure," he shrugged and took off his tie, putting it in the front pocket of his suit. "J.A.R.V.I.S."

"Sir?"

"Give Anna access to whatever room she wants and open the door to the garage."

"Yes, sir."

"So I can go anywhere in here?"

"Yep. Except my lab."

"Why?"

"There are things in there that might blow up. So you can't go in unless I say you can."

He nodded to the door.

"Open it."

She grinned huge and flung the door open. The lights came on automatically, and she dashed in. Tony followed at a slower pace, though that's not to say he wasn't excited. He _loved_ his cars so very, very much. If only the media knew of this love affair…

"Wow," Anna breathed as her gaze flitted from over all the shiny cars.

"Yeah, I know," he cast an appreciative, proud glance over each of his babies.

She took a hesitant step forward then looked over her shoulder at Tony.

"Go ahead."

%She smiled at him and scampered off to a green, gloss finish Corvette.

"Does it have a loud engine?"

"Depends how hard you hit the gas."

"So it goes fast?"  
He chuckled.

"Oh, yeah."

"Can we go for a ride?"

"Oh no. You're just supposed to have a quick look then bed. That was the deal."

"How about a new deal?"

"You don't have anything to bring to the table, sweetheart."

She scrunched her brow in thought and played with a strand of her hair. Tony smiled at the adorable sight. Then a slow smile crept across her, and Tony immediately thought 'Cheshire Cat'.

"How's this for a deal? We go for a ride now, or I'll tell Logan how terrible you treated me when he gets back."

Tony stared at her with bugged eyes and jaw dropped. No way he heard what he just heard. No way.

"J.A.R.V.I.S?" he actually squeaked.

"Sir?"

"Did I just get threatened by an eight year old girl?"

"Indeed you did, sir."  
"Well. What's it gonna be?"

"You're evil!" he was truly incredulous.

She laughed.

"Thank you. Come on, I don't got all night," she opened the passenger door, climbed in, put on her seat belt, and looked at him expectantly.

"It ain't gonna drive itself, you know."

Tony stared at her in disbelief for a moment. Logan had a temper, sure, but how had his kid gotten so devious? Two different things. Then a though struck him.

"Who's your mom?"

"Her name's Raven."

If possible, his eyes got even bigger. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a strangled sound. He took a few deep breathes then tried again, Anna staring at him curiously the while he had a mini panic attack.

"Blue skin, red hair, yellow eyes, Darkholme, Raven? That Raven?"

He fervently hoped it was a different Raven. He'd met the woman once under…unique circumstances that he did not want to relive. Quite frankly, she was the only woman he'd ever met who he truly and deeply feared, the least reason being the fact that she could kill him. There were many worst things than death, and he had reason to believe that woman could inflict them expertly.

"Uh-huh. That's mama."

**

* * *

**

He didn't know what the situation was between Logan and that woman, but he was sure that she was still alive. He was also convinced that if he didn't keep her child happy, she'd know, just know, and come after him.

Tony doubted that explanation would fly with Pepper as he zoomed around another corner, Anna giggling with delight next to him. She'd just say that he came up with a terrible excuse to go joyriding and endangering the girl's safety with his reckless driving. He would defend himself saying that it wasn't an excuse, it was the truth, and his driving wasn't reckless, he was completely in control. He glanced at the girl next to him and rolled his eyes. He was in control of the car anyway.

* * *

An hour later, Tony parked the car in the garage, shut it off, and glanced at the kid fast asleep in her seat and sighed. He leaned back on the head rest and closed his eyes. He was entirely too comfortable move at the moment, the Corvette had really great seats, so he was just going to rest his eyes a while before he put Anna to bed. He yawned widely and heard his jaw crack.

Only a while…

**A while later…**

BEEEEP

Tony jerked back from the steering wheel and automatically placed his hands on both sides. He then brought his hands to his neck with a groan at how stiff it was. He glanced around him blearily, taking in his surrounding and smiled a little. Anna was curled up in her seat, still asleep. He got out of the car and stretched, popping the vertebrae in his back and made his way to the passenger door so he could put Anna to bed.

"Good morning, sir," the A.I. greeted him.

Tony froze mid-stride. He shook his head.

"Excuse me?" he drawled.

"Good mor-"

"I heard you, J.A.R.V.I.S. What time is it?"

"Ten o'clock exactly, sir."

Tony let a string of curse words and stalked back to the driver's door.

"Why didn't you wake me?" he raged at the computer.

"You didn't tell me to."

He yanked the door open.

"You're supposed to be intelligent. I shouldn't have to tell you."

He dropped into the seat, slamming the door with more force than necessary, startling Anna awake. She sat up in her seat.

"Is my daddy back?" she asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"No," he answered in a clipped tone as he burnt rubber out of the garage.

She looked at him, frowning.

"Where we goin'?"

"Well, I'm going to my certain death if I don't make it to this meeting in twenty minutes. Otherwise, Pepper is going to kill me."

He drove with one hand and pulled his cell phone out of a pocket. He hit a button, but the screen remained black. The battery was dead. Like he was going to be.

**

* * *

**

**A/N:** A.I. =Artificial Intelligence that runs Tony's house, in case someone didn't know. His is also J.A.R.V.I.S but I don't know what that stands for.

What kind of cars are they? Sports cars, old cars, new cars, expensive cars, classic and straight pimped out. Those kinds.

Has anyone ever drank coffee and felt that their heart was going to explode? Seriously, ANSWER THIS QUESTION for my health reasons. I'm slightly worried. I don't know why these people keep letting me have. Do they want me to have to get my ovaries removed?

It's weird how my dialogue comes about. I don't think about what I'm typing. I just type it and that is where the conversation goes. I hadn't intended for the questions to get so personal. Ha, Tony got interrogated by an eight year old girl.

Kids are such moody little things. Especially if sleep or lack thereof is invlolved. That's still true actually. Lol Remember when the highlight of your day was when you got to push the button in an elevator? Wow I miss that kind of simplicity.

What ever happened to Tony the Tiger?

Thank you to everyone who reviewed this and my other stories. Y'all are lovely.


	5. Billionaires and Dolls, part 3

It was well-known to the employees of Stark Industries that the CEO was a little eccentric. It was also known throughout the world that he was lady's man.

"Put me down!"

"You go too slow. Stop hitting me!"

That was why when he came full tilt through the lobby with a little girl thrown over his shoulder, they didn't even bat an eye, assuming it was his child.

"No biting!"

Tony ran to the elevator and dropped Anna and pushed the button repeatedly, muttering under his breath. She crossed her arms and glared at him. He glanced at her, catching her look.

"What?"

"I wanted to press it."

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

Tony floundered a moment, just staring at the kid.

"You're rude."

"You're an idiot."

The door slid open, and she stepped in, effectively getting the last word. Not if he had anything to say about it. He followed her in.

"You're a brat."

"Doofus."

"Hit twenty-one. You're a jerk."

She hit the button, and as the doors slid shut, she smirked at him.

"You're gonna die."

Apparently, she'd been listening to the mantra he'd started in the car.

"I know," he hung his head. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but before my time. She'll probably get away with it too."

"You think so?"

"Pepper pretty much controls my business and social life. The official version, anyway. She could kill me, get rid of my body, and cover my disappearance for a month. Then call the police about her missing boss."

"Maybe if you tell her you love her, she won't kill you," Anna suggested.

He seemed to really think about it for a while.

"Nah."

Anna heaved a sigh.

"If you ever do ask her to marry you, I wanna come to the weddin'. I've never been to one."

Tony snorted.

"What a shock," he muttered under his breath, but the look Anna shot him indicated that she'd heard him. "If she says yes, you can be the flower girl."

"I wanna be the ring bearer."

He shrugged, not thinking that he was going to live long enough for all that anyway.

"Why not?"

The doors opened, and Tony zoomed out. Anna practically had to run to keep up. She would have told him to slow down, but the last time she'd said that he'd thrown her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She might need him to carry her though. He was going too fast. She almost lost him on the last corner. A group of people came out of a room to the left, flooding the hall. They parted like the Red Sea for Tony, but when she tried to get through, they formed a wall. She pushed and excused her way through, Tony was nowhere in sight.

Anna stood in place, scrubbed a hand down her face, and heaved a sigh, unknowingly imitating her father.

"He. Left. Me."

She stalked back the way she'd come. Fine. See if she cared. She would leave him, too.

"Excuse me, little girl. Are you lost?" a young woman stopped to ask her.

Anna stopped only long enough to give her the up-down look and glare.

"You just mind your business, and I'll mind mine."

And continued on her way. She usually wasn't so mean. But when she'd had the rude awakening she'd had this morning, got carried around like a baby when she could walk –thank you very much!-, got left behind in a stupid big building, and hadn't had breakfast. If that weren't bad enough, she didn't even know where her daddy was. He probably wasn't going to come back, like Mama. At least not for a very long time.

Anna shuffled along now, feeling more sorry for herself than angry. It was either cry or rage. She snorted, wiping furiously at her watery eyes. Anna Marie Howlett did not cry. That was completely not an option. Some people were coming out of the elevator as she went in.

"Hold the door!" someone called.

She rolled her eyes, hit the button to close the doors and the other for the first floor, and pulled a key ring out of her pocket.

**

* * *

**

"Your offer is very tempting, Mr. Stark. I will speak to my client and will let you know tomorrow of our decision."

"Yes, that's very nice, but I need to know today. You see, Mr. Akito, there are several other companies available for this deal. Even a day's delay is not acceptable for this project. Now either get your client's approval for this deal before the day's over, or Stark Industries will take their business elsewhere," Tony delivered these lines with a charming grin and an air of nonchalance that one would associate with a conversation about the weather rather than a multi-million dollar deal.

Mr. Akito blinked, thinking quickly, and rose to his feet. Tony did the same and bowed at the waist when he did. They rose and shook hands.

"I will take what you have said into consideration and speak with my client and let you know her decision before the three o'clock. Is that acceptable, Mr. Stark?"

"Perfectly fine."

Mr. Akito nodded to him and Pepper as he went passed but stopped at the door when Tony called to him.

"Give Lalandra my love, will you?"

"Of course."

He turned to Pepper.

"I think that went well."

"Hmm," she continued type away on her laptop, barely glancing at him.

"Are you mad? You're mad. How can you be mad? I wasn't late. I got here just in time."

She still didn't say anything.

"I mean, it's not my fault. Anna wanted to – " a look of horror seized his features, and Pepper looked at him when he stopped talking.

"Tony, what's wrong?" she moved the laptop aside and went to his side as he sank back into his chair.

"Anna," he whispered.

"What about her? You –" realization dawned, and Pepper's eyes grew wide. " Tony."

"Yes?" the wince was audible in his voice.

"Where is Anna?"

"She was right behind me."

"You lost her!"

"Don't scream, Pep, it's okay," he stood up, headed for the door," She's probably still on the floor so it'll be fine. No worries," he said this mostly to himself as he went through the door, Pepper hot on his heels.

"I don't understand how you lost her in the first place."

"Uh, I was kinda concerned with getting to the meeting on time so you wouldn't kill me. And then you were wearing that," he waved at her outfit.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" (could there have been more 'w's in that sentence?)

Tony stopped abruptly and looked her in the eye.

"Absolutely nothing."

"Tony," she breathed.

"Hmm," his gaze drifted to her mouth.

"Missing child. Focus."

"Right," he snapped himself out of it, giving himself a shake. "Focusing."

"Hey, Tony."

"Not now, Rhodey. I'm focusing," he went right by him, clapping him on the shoulder as he passed.

"Uh-huh. Well, you might want to focus on the fact that there is a little girl in your car."

He froze in his tracks, patted down his pockets, and slowly turned his head.

"Green Corvette?"

"License plate MY31ST."

"Aaugh!" he sprinted for the elevator.

"What is going on?" Rhodey asked Pepper as she followed Tony at a normal pace.

"Tony is babysitting."

He gave her a look.

"That's what I said."

"Must have been desperate."

"Come on, come on, come on," Tony leaned on the wall pushing the button to summon the elevator.

"Miss Potts!" he yelled.

"Yes, Mr. Stark," she responded serenely in the face of her employer's near hysteria.

"Fire whoever made these elevators and get one of the departments on making better ones."

"Better how?"

"Faster," he stepped into the elevator when it finally opened. Pepper and Rhodey boarded as well. Tony paced the length of the elevator, his left eye twitching.

"Dude, calm down."

He rounded on him.

"I can't calm down,_ Dude_. She's in my car! Why don't we toss her in your jet, and I'll tell you to calm down? How about that?"

Rhodey held up in his hands in surrender.

"All right. Freak out then."

"I will."

The elevator doors opened on the tenth floor, and two employees were about to step in when Tony growled, giving them death glares. They glanced at each other nervously.

"You will wait for the next one," he told them, Pepper sighed and hit the button for the first floor.

"Sorry," she told them.

They made it to the bottom with no more interruptions, and Tony ran out of the elevator to the front doors. He burst through and looked to his car. Well… where he had parked the car.

"Oh, that's great. Yeah. 'Where's my kid, Bub?' 'Gee, Logan, after she stole my car, I kind of lost track of her. Maybe she –' 'What's that you said, Tony? I can't hear you over the sound of me strangling you.'"

"Why are you talkin' to yourself?"

He spun around and saw Anna with a hand on her hip.

"Anna!"

He scooped her up and hugged her.

"What are you doing? Ew, get off!" he planted kisses on her face despite her protests, well, because of her protests.

"Your beard is scratchy! Stop it!"

"You're alright?"

He leaned her back, checking for any scratches, bruises, or any reason for Logan to kill him.

"I'm fine. Drop me," she ordered. He did so, satisfied she was okay.

"Where's my car?"

Anna looked down and started playing with her hair.

"You left me."

Tony knelt down so that he was eye-level with her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I was mad at you," she still didn't look him in the eye.

"You should have been," he nodded his head, understanding. "Will you forgive me?"

"Only if you'll forgive me," she was going to rip her hair off with the way she was twisting it. "And you promise not to get mad."

He blinked.

"Why would I be mad? Just tell me where my car is?"

"You have to promise."

"I promise."

She took a deep breath.

"I gave it away," she told him in a small voice.

Tony didn't say anything for a moment. Pepper and Rhodey exchanged glances.

"I'm sorry…WHAT!"

"You said you wouldn't get mad!"

"Mad? Oh, I'm not mad. No, no, no. I'm full blown –" he cut himself off when he saw tears pooling in her gray eyes.

"What are you doing?" he really sounded bewildered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. But I was mad at you, and I'm hungry, and I want my daddy, and I gotta go to the bathroom," she half sobbed, half whined and the tears fell.

"Whoa, hey, don't do that," he turned to Pepper for help. She gave him a 'You're hopeless' look and knelt down next to Tony in front of Anna, smiling.

"Hey, it's okay, sweetie. No need for tears," she smoothed Anna's hair behind her ears. "Your daddy will be back to get you soon. Don't worry," Anna quieted, hiccupping occasionally as she stared at Pepper, the pretty lady with red hair. You have to forgive Tony, he doesn't have experience with kids."

"Do you have kids?" she sniffed and wiped her face with the palm of her hand.

"No, I don't. Now, how about we go find the bathroom and then all go out to eat, hm?" she stood and held her hand out to Anna. Anna slipped her hand in hers and the two headed back into the building.

"We'll be back soon," Pepper stopped at the door, "The police will be here soon about your car, Tony."

Tony stared at the door long after they'd disappeared from view. Rhodey let him think through whatever he was thinking through. Then a police cruiser parked in front of them and Tony stood from his crouched position, straightening his jacket.

"You need to ask that girl to marry you," Rhodey told him matter of factly.

"You can be the flower boy."

* * *

**A/N: **So a couple people asked me where Wade was. Logan went to go 'help' him out of a 'situation'. Savvy? Naturally, you couldn't take lil' Anna on such a venture. How does he know about the 'situation'? Colonel Nick Fury. It wouldn't be good for them either if Wade got brainwashed or whatever it is they're doin'. It's so top secret, I don't even know…COUGHand i don't want to come up with anythingCOUGH

:D Anything else?

What? She's under a lot of stress what with her daddy being gone. That's really hard on a daddy's girl, you know? It's been a hard day. And she's still a kid. They're prone to fits. Heck, I'm liable to throw a fit if someone eats my cookies.

But don't worry. They're gonna bond and get along and all that. Oh and ya know how I said this would be 5 chapters? I have no idea how long this story arc will end up bein'. It's takin' over.

Does she seem OC to y'all? Not that matters since she's eight at the moment. Or mary-suish? Like too smart for her age? I don't think so 'cuz my little seven year young cousin(no relation) acts like a freakin' adult at times when she's not laughin' at air. Seriously, she just has mad, random laughing fits over nothin'. SIGH I love kids but I wouldn't want any of my own.

Review, let me know things. The beginning of the chapter was better to me.

Also, does anyone else with long profiles have trouble editing it?


	6. Rogue's First Date

First up due to popular demand. (would have been up sooner if I hadn't been reading _The Oath _by Frank Peretti. It has a dragon! And then there was that other book, and those fanfics, read Captain Deadpool's stuff! And I updated that Avatar thingy.) Dedicated to **rhodopis97** who gave me the idea. Oh, one more thing: Let's keep in mind that comic verse, Logan is five foot three inches. Here we go.

**

* * *

**

"No. Nien. Non. Nyet. Ain't happenin', little girl," Wade had his arms crossed over his broad chest. He matched Rogue glare for glare who stood with a gloved fist planted on her hip.

"That ain't your call, _Uncle _Wade. And I'm not a little girl," she argued back. The two were in the living room of the rented, three-bedroom, two-story house in uptown Seattle.

"Yes, you are! You're only four-friggin'-teen! And besides, Jimmy's totally going to back me up on this anyway," he told her, doing a head bob.

"Back you up on what?" Logan stood in the hall at the door way, taking in the scene.

"Jimmy!"

"Hi, Daddy," Rogue smiled at him.

Logan arched a brow.

'_Daddy. What did she want?'_

"So glad you're here. You need to talk to your daughter."

"About what?"

"Go ahead, Sunshine. Tell him," he told her smugly as he seated himself on the edge of the leather couch, crossed his legs, and leaned forward.

She shot him a look that clearly said 'Bite me' and turned back to Logan with a smile.

"'S nothin' big. I'm just goin' to the movies Friday."

"Tell him who you're going with," he waved a hand at her, urging her to continue. "Don't leave out any details now."

"I'm gonna go with Tracy."

"Who is a boy," Wade added.

Logan's brows went up.

"A date?" he clarified and leaned on the wall.

"If you wanna call it that. It's more of a get-together with a friend."

"A 'friend' who is a boy."

"Would you come off that already? It's not like we can do stuff like that."

He shrugged.

"You're right. He doesn't know and I doubt the punk is creative enough to figure anything out. But it doesn't matter. 'Cause, you know. You're not going," he sounded really happy about that, too.

"Wade," Anna started, "would you just –"

"Okay," Logan said.

"Okay what?" Wade asked him, smile frozen in place. Anna looked at him hopefully.

"You can go."

She gasped.

"Really? Are you serious?"

"Wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, darlin'."

"Are you kidding me?" Wade yelled at the same time Anna threw her arms around Logan. "You know, Jimmy, crazy is supposed to be my thing," he muttered.

"Of course," Logan had his arms loosely around Anna, "I wanna meet the boy first."

Anna jerked back and looked at his smirking face with horror dawning on hers, and there was a thud from when Wade fell to the floor laughing.

"What?"

"Oh, Jimmy, I never should have doubted you," Wade wiped a tear from his eye.

"You can't do that," Anna told him, stepping back fully from him.

"I can't meet the boy who is takin' my baby girl on her first date?" he shrugged. "Well, in that case, I guess you're not goin'," he turned, went down the hall, through the small dining room, and into the kitchen.

"I win either way," Wade beamed at her.

She scowled at him. Wade was suitably impressed by the force of animosity behind the look. If he were anyone else, i.e. someone sane, he might have scared. Seeing that she wasn't getting the desired affect, she stalked down the hall to the kitchen and Wade immediately followed, not wanting to miss a thing. Wade stood in the doorway.

Anna stood just inside the door with one hand on hip, the other twisting her hair. Logan continued to eat a slice of leftover pizza as he leaned against the center island and stare at her as she twisted her hair, working out what she wanted to say. His mouth twitched in an almost-smile.

"Do you promise to behave when he comes by?"

"Nope."

"Daddy!"

"Huh. I won't kill him unless he gives me a reason. Tell me 'bout this boy."

Anna sighed deeply.

"He's sixteen, on the football team, has a really nice car, and he's a sweetheart so please be nice. Especially you, Wade."

"Oh, I'll be nice," Wade nodded. "I'll be as nice as Screwy the Squirrel," no one who smiles that wide can be trusted. Exhibit A: the Joker. I rest my case.

Rouge groaned and put her head in her hands, the white streak falling in front of her face.

Wade smiled and looked at Logan over the top of Rogue's head. Logan looked back. Then he grinned. This…was gonna be fun.

* * *

**Friday Night**

Ding Dong

Rogue stormed out of her room, down the hall and the stairs towards the front door. Wade stood smiling at the bottom of the stairs with his arms folded behind his back, effectively blocking her way. She stopped in front of him.

"You'd best move."

He put on his best innocent expression.

"Roguey, you're going to go out with your hair looking like that?"

"There's nothin' wrong with my hair."

That's what she was going to say. But Wade had whipped two aerosol cans from behind his back and covered a shocked Rogue with pink and green silly string.

"Hehehe."

Rogue raised one hand and removed a few strands that were blocking her immediate vision, and they stuck to her glove. She gave Wade a blank stare.

"At this moment, I hate you more than Monday," she told him calmly and went back upstairs.

"I totally love and adore you, too, Buttercup" he called after her, very pleased with himself. Ordinarily, silly string wouldn't take that long to remove. But it wasn't normal silly string. This was Deadpool silly string. It had his logo on it and everything.

SLAM

He put the almost empty cans in one of the many pockets of his black cargo pants before going into the den and situating himself in his big, ratty chair in front of the big screen TV that had a 'reality' show going. There was a dart board with kunai knives in it, a couch, Logan's chair with a small table between his and Wade's, a bar with stools, and Wade's Pac-Man machine situated throughout the room.

Logan came out of the kitchen with two beers and went to answer the door. On the other side was a baby face, blonde headed, green eyed boy wearing khakis and a polo shirt who stood a few inches taller than Logan.

"Uh, hello, sir."

Logan looked the kid up and down, drew in a breath and snorted. He turned around and walked in.

"Get in here and shut the door, bub."

Tracy stepped into the house, shutting the door behind him. Looking around, it appeared to be an ordinary suburban type house. In fact, there was nothing wrong with the house. The people who lived there, well…what's your definition of wrong?

Tracy followed Logan past the living room, dining room and the stairs into the den. Wade had been sprawled back in his chair flipping through the channels but stopped on Animal Planet as soon as Tracy stepped into the room he turned full attention on him. He turned his chair so that he faced Logan's across from his, he could see the TV if he looked left and he could see the couch if he looked right.

"Hey."

Wade nodded and continued to stare him down.

On the TV, a lion was eating a poor, naïve baby deer. Poor, naïve little fool.

"Sit down," Logan told him as he sat in his own chair. Tracy sat on the couch, faced Logan, but kept glancing at Wade nervously.

Logan noticed and the corners of his mouth twitched in an almost-smile. He tossed one bottle to Wade who caught it without looking. Eyes trained on Tracy, he reached down to his steeled-toed combat boot and pulled a wicked-looking knife out. Tracy's mouth dropped open and his pretty boy green eyes widened. Wade held it up a moment, making a show of studying the blade, then swiftly removed the top from the bottle. Without looking away, he chugged more than half the bottle while spinning the knife around his hand. He moved the bottle, slammed the knife tip first into the table, and Tracy flinched. Badly.

Logan let out a huff of air, his equivalent of a chuckle. Taking a swig of his own drink, he could smell the fear coming from the boy. If it wasn't so funny, he _might_ have felt pity for the punk, maybe.

"Where are you takin' my daughter?" he asked the kid.

"We were going to go see that new movie with Hugh Jackman at the Oceanfront Theatre."

"When did you think you were bringin' her home?"

"Twelve, sir."

"Ten, boy," his voice growled the second word.

"Or ten. Yes, sir," he agreed quickly.

Logan looked him square in the eye.

"Do not screw around with my daughter. I am not above killin' teenaged boys."

Tracy couldn't find the words.

Then Wade smiled.

"I like knives."

Tracy wasn't sure how he was supposed to answer so he just nodded jerkily.

"Do you like knives?"

"I…guess?"

"That's good. Tell me, how would you like to die?"

"What?" Logan almost choked on his beer. The boy's voice actually just squeaked! They needed to ease up a bit if he was that skittish.

"What?" Wade raised his brows.

"What did you just say?" Tracy clarified.

"I asked if you would like pie," Wade said in the same tone that one says 'duh'.

Tracy looked to Logan who nodded his head.

"Uh," Tracy started. "I don't –"

"It's Boston crème."

"Oh, well," he _did _like Boston crème pie, "A small piece would be nice."

"Great," Wade stood up and walked out of the room. Then his head popped back in. "I'm not bringing it to you if that's what you're thinking."

"Oh, sorry," he stood to follow him. He nodded to Logan on his way out who just grunted in return. Wade went around a corner into the dining room. Tracy lost sight of him for a moment and when he got to the kitchen threshold, he stopped. Wade stood at the island wearing an apron blue apron with white polka dots with red stains on it and a shining cleaver in his hand. There was a picture perfect pie in the center.

"So how much am I cuttin' off?" Wade asked as he ran a thumb over the edge of the blade.

"Actually, I think I'll pass," Tracy scurried away, back into the hall. Fortunately for him, Rogue was coming down the stairs in a completely different outfit: a purple long-sleeve shirt with a dark grey vest, black skinny jeans, and purple baby doll shoes. And her gloves, of course. She saw him coming out of the dining room.

"Tracy."

He turned and saw her, smiling widely.

"Hi."

"Hey," she smiled back.

"You look really pretty."

"Thanks," she looked down and was about to open her mouth to speak when Wade came out of the dining room with the cleaver still in hand. He hid it behind his back when he saw Rogue's narrowed gaze.

"Aw, don't you look cute?"

Tracy backed away from him and towards the stairs, Rogue, and the door.

"Don't she look cute, Jimmy?"

"Adorable," he replied shortly.

Tracy jumped and spun around. Logan was leaning on the door with his arms crossed over his chest. When had he gotten there? Rogue rolled her eyes at their antics. She walked towards Tracy.

"Come on. Let's go before we miss the movie," she took his hand and went in front of her father. "Excuse us," she said sweetly.

Logan looked her in the eye and his expression softened from the glare he'd been sending the boy. He stepped aside and opened the door for her.

She smiled at him.

"Thank you, Daddy," she stepped outside. "See y'all later," she called over her shoulder.

Logan stepped out, as did Wade. Tracy glanced back. Wade held up the cleaver and made a slashing motion with it across his throat then pointed at him. Logan resumed his death glare, letting a heavy amount of killer intent slip behind the gaze. Tracy gulped. He opened the door of his Ford Mustang for Rogue.

"You two have fun!" Wade waved. "Don't talk to strangers."

Tracy got in the driver's side and started to back out of the driveway. When Tracy turned, Rogue waved and blew them a kiss.

"Look at her, all excited and happy about her first date," Wade commented as the car drove away. "Her first taste of freedom and the beginning of her exploration of the opposite sex. A monumental occasion."

Logan just looked at him. Then he blinked.

"I didn't hear a word you said other than 'sex'."

"Really? 'Cause that's all I heard me say too. We're following them, right?"

"Of course," Logan was already walking to the garage.

Wade drove the cleaver into the wall next to the door, took off the apron, hung it on the handle, and shut the door behind him. He went to the garage for his own biking whistling 'Bella Notte'.

**

* * *

**

Usually, two street bikes would make a lot of noise, thus drawing attention. But when the owners knew that stealth would be necessary, they'd modified the muffler to run as quiet as could be. The two followed the red –"Speeding! Logan, he is speeding. He's endangering her life! And he's not even doing it right!"- Mustang until it parked at the theatre near the door. They parked side by side clear across the lot. The two teens in the car walked inside hand in hand. Wade looked at Logan.

"Don't you dare try and hold my hand," Wade told him.

Logan rolled his eyes and walked away from him.

* * *

Rogue couldn't remember the last time she'd been this excited! Well, no, firing her first gun had been pretty cool, and that thing with the bike, but this was better by a little. Okay, she could remember the last time she'd been this excited, but that didn't make it any less fun.

They'd gotten their tickets and snacks and were now sitting five rows away from the back since those seats were taken. Settling in, they restarted the conversation about whether or not Miss Chiles really practiced witchcraft and exactly how one goes about killing a witch.

"Maybe the bucket of water Dorothy dumped on her witch was really acid."

"Well, where do we get acid?"

"I know a guy who knows a guy."

Rogue laughed at something he said. She liked this boy, she really did. Wasn't love, more like teen like. But at that age, it's all the same. The lights dimmed and the screen came alive with previews of up and coming movies. As they played, Tracy and Rogue rated the movies.

"Ooh, explosions! We gotta see that one."

"Bet ever' one dies in that movie but the dog."

"That is so cliché. She likes him but is in denial, he likes her and perseveres 'til he wears her down and she has no choice but to love him. Yeah, right."

And then one more before the movie. Someone yelled behind them,

"Scarlett Johannsen! She's my wifey!"

Rogue turned in her seat to scan the people behind her. She thought that guy sounded like Wade. She didn't see him but that didn't mean he wasn't there. But Logan wouldn't let him out unless… unless they were both here! Why did she think they would actually let her go out on her own with a boy? She turned back around, frowning at her own stupidity and their…theirness.

"Are you okay?" Tracy asked.

She looked at him and gave him a small smile.

"I'm fine. Now hush, the movie's startin'."

They faced forward. Two minutes in, Tracy stretched his arm over the back of her seat. Rogue rolled her eyes that people actually did that but didn't object. She leaned further on the armrest that separated them, smiling in the dark.

**

* * *

**

"Can you believe that little puke?" Wade whispered in Logan's ear. No, he was literally two inches away from Logan's ear, frantically pointing out the two teens. Logan pushed him away and continued to watch. Not the movie, but the them. Wade continued to mutter to himself.

They were seated on the back row though the seats had all been full when they came up. Two people had graciously decided to let them have their seats. Bless their hearts. As it was, they had a perfect view of his daughter and the little puke, as Wade had dubbed him. Logan saw his arm and made note of his hands, and Rogue's reaction. She leaned closer, and the boy didn't actually touch her. Well, goody for him. He got to keep his hands.

Then from his right, popcorn went flew with expert precision to land on the boy's head. He reached up and removed the bit of food and glanced over his shoulder. The guy directly behind him shrugged. Wade slunk down a bit, not wanting to be seen. If they scared her date off, she'd probably never speak to either one of them again. And if Rogue told you she was never going to speak to you, she had every intention of keeping her word. Puke turned back around. Rogue hadn't even noticed, she was so caught up in the drama unfolding on screen.

Logan smiled in the dark. Sometime later, Puke's hand dropped down to Rogue's shoulder. In that time, Wade had eaten all of his 'donated' popcorn. So he threw three chocolate covered raisins at him in quick succession. Head, neck, shoulder. He whipped around but once again, didn't see the culprit. He turned around and put his hand back on the chair.

"That's right, Puke, better watch those hands."

And then, Rogue leaned her head on his shoulder. Wade had nachos on the way to his mouth and just held them there with his mouth hanging open. When he recovered, he stood, reared his arm back, and was about to let nachos fly when Logan grabbed his arm and pulled him back down.

"But Jimmy!" he whisper shouted and pointed violently at the couple. The people who'd been sitting on either side of them had moved. The people who'd been seated two seats over from them moved. The people who were seated three seats over from them were thinking about moving.

"He didn't do it. She did. Leave him be, at the moment."

The puke, erm, Tracy turned to Rogue and said something to her. They could hear her laugh from where they were. Wade leaned back and pouted.

"Little puke better treat her right," he muttered.

**

* * *

**

The movie ended. Wade didn't throw anything else at him because he ran out of food and only had assorted knives on him. He'd held up one and pointed at the kid. Logan had squashed that. Now they were following the couple to a diner style restaurant. Since they couldn't go in without being seen, they stopped across the street outside of a car dealership that was closed for the night. They leaned forward as they watched the two at the window seat they'd taken.

They could see Rogue smiling, laughing. See her being happy.

"She's not that giggly anymore unless you load her full of caffeine," Wade said as he sat on the bed of a truck.

"Hn," Logan leaned on the hood of a sports car.

She reached over and touched his hand.

"She doesn't touch people anymore either, since her powers."

Logan grunted again.

"You're right. I think he might be good for her, too."

Wade sighed.

"So we can't kill him then, can we?"

"What do you think?"

Wade thought about it for a good five minutes.

"Probably no?"

"Not today anyway," Logan straightened and went to his bike and started it.

"What are you doing?"

" It's almost ten. Gotta be there before they get back. You comin'?"

Wade took one last look at Rogue's smiling face and hopped off the truck, going to his own bike.

"I'm going to ride for a while, maybe get in a fight or two."

"Later."

Logan went one way, Wade the other.

Rogue glanced out the window and smiled triumphantly. She moved her hand from Tracy's and folded them under her chin.

"So what kinda pie they got here?"

Later that night, Rogue walked through the unlocked front door and went directly to the den. Logan was in his chair, the TV was on mute, the lights were off, and there was a cigar hanging from his mouth. She leaned on the door way and looked at her father. He looked back.

"Y'all were followin' me," she stated this.

He didn't confirm or deny it as he blew hazy blue smoke in the air.

"I'm not gonna waste time tryin' to tell you what to do or yell at you 'bout privacy and trust 'cause I already know that ain't gonna do diddly."

He inhaled.

"But it'd be nice if you could keep Wade from throwing food at my date."

Smoke flowed from his nose as he answered,

"Be glad I stopped him from throwin' the knife."

Rogue arched a brow and shook her head,

"Wow."

"He ask you out again?"

She smiled.

"Told him I'd think about it. I had to ask my daddy."

"You tell him to watch his hands or I'm gonna put them in a pickle jar."

"Is that a yes?"

"Go to bed."

She stepped forward, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his hair.

"He was too scared of you and Wade to be anything other than a gentleman."

"Imagine that," he replied dryly, patting her on the back.

"Where is Wade anyway?"

"No clue."

**

* * *

**

In a private room in smoky bar in the seedy part of Seattle, a very rough group of men sat around a bar drinking. What a plot twist! Then the door was kicked open. The men turned and saw a man standing six feet two inches tall grinning like the madman he is.

"Hello, boys."

"Who's this clown?" asked a heavily tattooed man with a shaved head and heavy chains.

"No, not a clown. Sometimes a fool, but never a clown. They're evil."

He stepped forward.

"Name's Wade Wilson. You're Tsyon, the gang lord, right?"

Tyson grinned.

"Why you ask?"  
"Are you or aren't you?"

"Yeah, that's me. Why?"

"Somebody wants your hide dead or alive," he told him in a sing-song voice. "There's a bounty for the first guy who brings you to your former boss."

Tyson laughed.

"You're a bounty hunter?"

"I prefer merc, but I'm mostly retired sort of. Very interesting story. You see –"

"I don't care. Kill him."

Tyson's men pulled out their guns.

"This will hurt," Wade muttered.

Once they'd emptied their clips, Tyson laughed.

"If that's the best they got, I'm gonna be living a long life. Get that trash outta here."

Two of the men stepped forward, one at Wade's head the other at his feet. The one at his head reached down to lift him but yelped when Wade grabbed his arm and pointed a gun at his head. The other hand had a gun pointed at a shocked Tyson.

"My turn," everyone in the room could see his wounds starting to heal.

**

* * *

**

Author' Note (read rambling) : **xXWingedWerefoxXx: **From now on, I will refer to you as** xXWWXx. **If it's cool wit' you. Pay attention, people. Credit for the stare down goes to him/her(?). I thank you. And the aproned, cleaver-wielding Wade was **sharky237's **idea as well as the 'let's throw random things at poor, naïve boy' game. I was already gonna have them follow them. Because the boys are paranoid. With a reason though.

So I figured that Rogue had that crush on Scott(GAG ME!) she might have had a cleaner cut tastes in guys in her early life. And Tracy was that, a well-behaved, sweet, smart, funny boy. The poor dear. I almost named him Peter….hehehehe….Again, I have nothing against Peter, but my sister does and it's fun(Peter torture, that is), but he's nice, he shares M&M's.

Oh, and let it be known I have never been on a date. So if the date sucked, well, oh, well, I'm not romantically inclined in the head.

You know what someone with decidedly more talent than me should do? A Deadpool in Wonderland fic. That would be awesome. I, personally, don't think I could handle something that would truly be that epic. But you might want to take some of his weapons first. But then he could still kill them with a leaf…

Can you believe Microsoft tried to correct 'bub'? What is a 'bub' anyway? At some point, I should probably do a story for Rogue's powers manifesting. Probably.

Have any of you ever watched a Screwy the Squirrel cartoon? He's very mean. When Bugs Bunny does stuff to people, they started it. Screwy just does it to, well, screw with their heads. He's very mean.

Review me if you have the time. But since you're on the computer reading this, then you probably do. Least I do. Unless maybe one of you is an incarcerated felon who burrows out of his cell to get to the warden's office to read this stuff…I speak as a fool…or do I? Seriously need to stop channeling Wade now.

**You guys are rockin' awesome people! Whoo-hoo! **


	7. The BreakUp

A/N: They still live in Seattle, by the way, but this is several weeks after the previous story.

* * *

**Sunday night, Howlett household**

Rogue practically kicked open the front door that night. She stomped towards the stairs and was halfway up before Wade and Logan came to the base of the stairs

"So how was the…date?" Wade said the last word like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

Rogue halted her march and abruptly turned on the stairs.

"How was it? I tell you how it was! That slimy, little jerk dumped me!" she yelled.

Wade's brown eyes widened.

"No!" he gasped with more glee than horror to his voice. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

"Are you all right?" Logan asked.

"No, I'm not all right! I'm pissed. You know, he dumped me for Rachael, this chick he was dating before me, but she dumped him and started going out with Malcolm, but Malcolm broke up with her and now he's going out with Liz and Rachael decided she wanted Tracy back so there ya go and boys are stupid and I hate them!" she then turned back around, stomped up the remaining stairs and the men heard her door slam shut. A moment later, rock music blared from her room.

Wade had a mad grin on his face as he slowly turned to look at Logan who had a feral grin of his own.

"Suit up," Logan told him and stalked away.

"Oh, yay!" Wade skipped off joyously to do so.

**Monday morning**

"Rogue, get up," Logan told his daughter, shaking her slightly.

"I ain't goin' to school," she grumbled and scooted away from him. The top of her head just barely showed from out of the cocoon she'd made out of her blankets

"Yeah, well, you're the kid, I'm the parent; you're goin'," he said, still leaning over the bed.

"Please? It won't matter if I miss one day."

"Up, darlin'," he tugged on the blanket cocoon revealing her face and exposing her eyes to the light.

She blinked wearily as she rolled onto her back to look at her father.

"You play hookie from work," she continued to argue.

"When you get grown, you can play all the hookie you want. Right now, kid, you're goin' to school and we're done arguin' it."

"I wasn't arguin', I was making a case," she sat up rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "That's not such a good idea when the judge is the jury and prosecution."

Logan grunted as the stood up and walked to the door.

"You got thirty minutes or I'm lettin' Wade drive you," he told her over his shoulder as he shut the door. He smirked when he heard her quickly get out of the bed and practically fly to her closet.

**Thirty minutes later…**

Rogue met Wade in the kitchen on her way out the door with her bag slung over her shoulder.

"What's for breakfast?" she asked, not bothering with pleasantries.

Wade turned around from the counter wearing a yellow apron with black lettering that read 'Your mom thinks I'm special' and held out a plate with Pop Tarts on it.

"Naturally and artificially flavored to taste likes smores. Just what every growing girl needs in the morning!" he grinned like he was trying to sell them to her from a commercial ad.

"You didn't try to 'fix' them this time, right?" she asked as she poked one of them catiously.

"No, of course not," he scooted over to the left so that his body was completely in front of the trash can that was mostly filled with food stuff he'd 'fixed'. Usually, he'd still eat whatever he did to food anyway and let the healing factor sort it out. That last batch of whatever he did (it certainly wasn't cooking), yeah, he just wasn't in the mood to have his stomach pumped.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. What kind of idiot do you take me for? Don't' answer that," he frowned at her when she'd opened her mouth to speak.

Rogue gave him an innocent look and took the plate from him, said a prayer, and took a small, careful bite. Every thing tasted normal so she took a bigger one.

"So you feel better since last night?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Wade propped his elbow up on the counter and cupped his chin with his hand.

"You really liked the little puke, didn't you?"

"I guess," she shrugged.

"He was a jerk. I mean, yeah, he pretended to be polite and stuff but beneath all that, he's a warped little creep-face dog who just doesn't deserve you and is too stupid to see what he let go."

Rogue grinned broadly up at her uncle.

"For once," Logan said from where he was leaning on the door, "I actually agree with you, Wade. He's right, Stripes. You can do better."

"Yeah, and one day, when he's all alone, you can totally rub it in his face just what he passed up on. I mean, look at this face! She's just such an adorable little baby!"

"I'm not a baby, Wade."

"In comparison, you are. Wait…did you just agree with me?" Wade turned squinty eyes at Logan who rolled his eyes.

"Let's get goin', Stripes."

"'Kay," she shoved the last of the pastry in her mouth and gulped down some of the milk Wade left for her.

"Since you're in such an agreeable mood, Jimmy, can I have a ferret?"

"What's a ferret?" Rogue asked.

"It's kinda like a weasel."

"No, you can't have a ferret," Logan told him as he went out the side door leading to the garage.

**Monday afternoon**

Rogue waved good-bye to her friend, Michelle, who'd dropped her off as she opened the front door of her house.

"I'm home!" she called out.

"In the man cave!" Wade yelled from the den.

Rogue chuckled and shook her head at his silliness. She left her book bag at the base of the stairs as she walked past headed for the den. Her uncle and father were in their respective chairs watching a World War II documentary on the huge screen.

Logan grunted in acknowledgment of her presence.

"'Sup, Sunshine! How was school?" Wade grinned widely, not taking his eyes off of the TV.

"Interesting, to say the least," she walked in front of the TV and put her hands on her hips. "Crazy, really. Wanna know what happened?"

"Do tell."

"No one's real sure of the details, but it would seem that Tracy was abducted from his home. They, because he says it was two of them, gagged him and threw him in the back of his car. When my gym class started, we found him hogtied from the ceiling in the girls' locker room with a sign that said 'Don't feed the dog' hanging around his neck and wearing nothing but his socks and Spongebob boxers."

"Really," Logan said with a grin of his own.

"Yup," Rogue said, looking at both of them carefully. They avoided looking her directly in the eye

"That's just awful," Wade snickered.

"So very," Logan agreed.

Then they made a mistake. They looked at each other, and it completely fell apart.

Wade snorted with laughter and Logan bowed his head into his hands as he chuckled.

"Oh my…You're both terrible! He's gonna be traumatized," Rogue's scolding didn't really work too well because she was struggling to hold back her own laughter.

"You shoulda, ha, seen the look on his face," Wade gasped out. "Oh, I thought he was gonna piss himself!"

"He did," Logan told him.

Rogue slowly shook her head as she looked between the two men in her life. They'd just recently messed up one boy for the rest of his life and they were laughing about it like it was the funniest thing in the world. And they'd done it for her.

She walked over to Wade first, put her gloved hand over his cheek and kissed it, then did the same to Logan.

"You guys are awesome."

* * *

A/N2: This isn't apart of the poll, but the idea hit me and didn't want to leave. Does anyone want the play by play from Logan and Wade's point of view of how the abduction went down? This is just somethin' I wrote up real quick.

Anyone get the Weasel reference?

My sister and I almost got a ferret. We got a gerbil instead. He knew how to escape from his cage and we came home twice and he'd broken out and was stealing stuffing from out of Mom's couch. Man, she hated him.

Reviews are always welcome.

**Lord Shade, **I'm still narrowing down ideas for your 'suggestion', but there a lot of different ways to do it, y'know?


	8. Billionairs and Dolls, part 4

"Do you like Tony?"

Pepper looked up from her Blackberry at Anna. They were in the ladies' bathroom in the downstairs lobby. The little girl was supposed to be washing her hands, but was mostly blowing bubbles from her soapy hands.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

Anna sighed as if she were being very put upon as she rinsed the soap off.

"I hate repeatin' myself," she grumbled under her breath as she pulled a paper towel out of the dispenser.

"Do you like Tony?" she asked again slowly.

"As what?"

"A boyfriend."

Pepper gaped for a moment before she answered.

"Do you even know what a boyfriend is?"

"You hold his hand and kiss him and he buys you flowers and y'all go out together. I like daisies. I know how to make a daisy chain. Would you please stop avoidin' the question?"

Pepper lowered her phone and put one hand on her hip.

"Did Tony put you up to this?"

"No, he didn't," she sighed. "I guess since you're gettin' so upset, you don't like him then," she averted her eyes and shrugged.

"Oh, well," she walked past Pepper to the door, paused and said over her shoulder. "'Cuz he really, really likes you."

And walked out, giving Pepper no time to respond.

"Wait, what?" Pepper asked the empty room before she followed Anna out.

**

* * *

**

"So she's Logan's kid?" Rhodey confirmed.

"Yep," Tony spun the keys to his car around his finger. Getting it back hadn't been much trouble at all since most of the police knew every one of Tony Stark's cars intimately. A few of them could say from personal experience that the Corvette started to pull a little to the left when it reached one-twenty. He'd been pulled over so much that he knew several cops by name and well enough to ask how the kids were.

"He's that short, scary, hairy dude, right? The one who used to come see your dad?"

"Yep. He looks exactly the same."

"And you're watching his kid?"

"Why do you say it like that? Like that's such a shocking, terrible thing?"

"Because you haven't had her twenty-four hours and you already lost her."

Tony didn't respond to that. He sniffed and turned his head away. Rhodey sighed and rolled his eyes. Pepper came out through the doors alone.

"Where's the kid? What's going on? Did she sell the company?" Tony asked.

Pepper sent an apprehensive glance over her shoulder then looked between Rhodey and Tony.

"She thinks you're still mad at her."

"But I told her I'm not."

"She doesn't believe you. She thinks you don't like her."

"I never said that."

"I asked her that and she said you never answered her other question but that doesn't mean it's not true. What question?"

Tony paused a moment, going over in his head what Anna could be referring to.

"Oh…Yeah, I 'm going to talk to her," he said nodding his head as walked past Pepper, "Be back soon."

As soon as he got through the door, he immediately spotted Anna sitting on the floor in front of a leather couch in the lobby and messing with the marble things that the décor people had put in the crystal vase on the table. He walked to the couch and sat down next to her. She didn't even glance at him.

_This isn't awkward at all._

He sat on the couch and watched the people coming and going for a while and Anna continued taking the marbles out and lining them up by color.

"So why do you think I don't like you?"

This was a very comfortable couch. He needed to get this to his house and replace the other one. He could probably just switch them.

"It's 'cause ya don't. I was bad and Daddy says if ya bad then people won't like you. One time, I asked him. He says a lot of people don't like him and that's why we have to move a lot. But I don't think he's bad."

Tony leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. They weren't really marbles. They looked to be more flat on the bottom and top and rounded on the sides. What was the point of those things?

"Huh. Listen, I don't not like you. I just think that we got off on the wrong foot."

Anna looked up at him for the first time, her finger moving one of the not-marbles around in a little circle.

"What do you say we try this again? Try to be nice to each other."

"I'm always nice," he heard her mutter.

Anna stared at him as if she was really thinking very hard about it. Then she shrugged.

"Okay."

"Cool. Hello, I'm Tony, and I'll be your, uh,"

Don't you say 'baby-sitter', Tony. Don't you dare!

"Host this week!"

He stood up and bowed slightly at the waist and spread his arms towards the door.

"If you'll be so kind as to come with me, then it would be my honor to escort you to brunch."

Anna giggled at him.

"You're really weird."

"Thank you," he flashed her a smile.

**

* * *

**

When they came out, Pepper had disappeared, but Rhodey was still waiting for them.

"Where's Pepper?" Tony asked.

"She said that she had to get to a meeting," Rhodey shrugged.

"Who are you?" Anna asked.

"Oh, that's just Rhodey. What meeting?"

"I don't know, man. It's your company. Shouldn't you know that? And what do you mean 'just Rhodey'?"

A frown formed on Tony's face and he crossed his arms.

"Ya don't have to pout about it," Anna told him. "She probably went out on a date with someone else 'cause he wasn't afraid to tell her he liked her."

"I officially like this girl," Rhodey chuckled.

"Okay, you know what. I am not pouting. And she did not go on a date. It probably is just a meeting and I am not afraid to tell her I like her."

"Then why don't you do it if you're not a big scaredy-cat?"

"I will! When I'm ready and shut up, Rhodey!"

Technically, Rhodey hadn't said anything; he had his hand covering his mouth and his shoulders shook as he watched the two. It didn't surprise him that Tony would get into an argument with a child; he just never realized it'd be this funny.

"He's not sayin' nothin'," Anna pointed out.

"He's thinking it though," Tony told her, sending his friend a dangerous glare. "Just for that, you can't have brunch with us."

"But I want him to come."

"What? Why?" Tony looked back at her confused.

"'Cause I don't wanna have to talk to you the whole time," she informed him and walked away to wait by the car.

"What happened to trying to be nice?" Tony called after her.

"I am!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"Little smart-mouth, midget lady! I swear that kid's got a mean, old lady inside her or something," Tony declared as he stared after the kid.

"M-hm. You drove a Corvette, right?"

"Yeah. Two seats."

"Where are we eating?"

"Well, free-loader, she wants Chinese food so Wasabi would be it."

"Meet you there then."

"Fine," Tony sighed as he walked off after Anna.

For some reason, he felt like someone somewhere was laughing at him.

* * *

A/N: This has been on my jump drive for MONTHS. The beginning has anyway. There were two different ways it could have gone so I just left it alone for a while.

Kids are very smart, really. They learn pretty fast. Especially from TV and life. When Anna gets called on something by her dad, she tries to avoid doing it herself, but then also notices when other people do it. Ha, my cousin (no relation) is actually this girl I use to babysit beginning when she was six months. She's seven now. One time, she said that my sister was her 'Titi', I'm her cousin, and my brother is her brother. How does she figure that? That's what she told herself. Love that kid.

After this one, I'm going to break from the poll again and write up **Lord Shade** a.k.a the God-father's ,ahem, 'request'. What can I say? He made me an offer I couldn't refuse. Well, I could have refused. If I wanted to end up in the river with a new pair of cement shoes….y'know, mobsters are scarier than gangsters. And more creative. Lord Shade, you should know that I now picture you as an Italian mobster wearing Armani suits and a fedora and a BIG pinky ring.


	9. Corporate Is at Fault

The beginning of this has been on my jump drive for MONTHS. I was gonna do it as a long, long one-shot so it wouldn't be like the never-ending B's & D's story arc. But here it is.

Ladies and Gents, may I present

**Why Rogue and Wade are not allowed in WolfChase Mall**

"Why do I have to be here?" Wade whined from where he was slouched in a chair as fifteen year old Rogue tried on clothes in a store the Wolf Chase Mall in Memphis, Tennessee.

"Because you ruined my other clothes," she told him from the behind the changing room door.

"Not all of them," he whined.

"If I messed up any of your weapons, you'd make me come with you to get more."

"I wouldn't take you. You'd enjoy it. I don't enjoy this at all. You're just spiteful."

"And you're not?"

"Not the point. But hey, at least you come by it honest," he shrugged.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you get it from your mom. That's her in you. We need to beat her out."

"Try it and I'll beat you back," she walked out of the changing room to show him her top. "What do ya think?"

Wade's eye twitched.

"What. Are. You. Wearing?"

"It's called a bustier."

A black leather one with with scrolling white designs on the sides. It stopped just below mid-riff and tied in the back with some black ribbon.

"You can't wear that! You're fifteen. And my niece. Just what, young lady, are you trying to boost? A de-booster is what you need. Who are you boosting them for? Give me his name and social security number and he is out of here."

"Would you chill? I'm gonna have a shirt under it."

"It still boosts! You're completley missing the point."

"And you're overreacting."

"No, I'm not! Now get back in there and put some clothes on!"

Rogue sighed and rolled her eyes, retreating into the room.

"And don't you think I'm buying that!"

Rogue expelled a loud, long-suffering sigh before she re-emerged in her own clothes. She dumped the clothes in his lap and tol him,

"Come on. I'm gonna go look at the shoes."

"I didn't do anything to your freaking shoes!"

"Oh, well," she shrugged and walked off, expecting Wade to follow if for no other reason than to 'protect her from boys'. He noticed that the 'booster' was tucked in between the clothes, picked it out, and handed to a blond lady that was going into one of the changing rooms.

"Boost away," he said and was able to get away before it fully sunk in what he said and what he was referring to.

He moved the clothes in his arms to his left and sorted through the rest as he trailed behind Rogue. The more he looked, an idea formed in his mind, a thought that had to be verbally expressed.

"Who buys this JUNK anyway?"

After checking out, Rogue decided she didn't like most of the clothes she tried on and got a jacket that she just picked up, a pair of gloves and one shirt.

"Finally! We were in there for hours. Can we leave now?"

"Not yet. We only went to one store and I still need stuff."

"Aw, come on!" he threw his arms up in the air. "Why do I allow her to do these things to me?" he asked himself.

He crossed his arms and followed next to her pouting. Rogue glanced up at him and felt a little sorry for him.

"How 'bout we go get somethin' to eat?" she asked.

"Do they have chimichangas?" he asked hopefully.

"Yep. I checked their website before we came here."

"Well, let's go!" he grabbed Rogue's hand and pulled her with him as he ran through the crowded mall.

They made it to the food court in short order and Wade skidded to a stop in the line for the Mexican restaurant. It was so noisy Rogue practically had to yell in Wade's ear to tell him she was going to Starbuck's. Wade waved her away and started bouncing up and down on his feet.

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. Come ON!"

An older lady in line turned around and looked at him.

"Boo! Can I have my face back?" he snapped. "Rude."

Her eyes widened and she walked away out of the line. Wade quickly took her spot. And then at long last, he was at the front of the line. He ordered five chimichangas and large nachos, had the employee mix Mountain Dew with the fruit juice, and took his tray to the table Rogue had gotten right in front of the restaurant. She had a large coffee concoction and had eaten most of her obscenely large cinnamon roll.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Watch my bag," she told him as she stood up.

"Yeah, bag. Singular. One. Uno."

He quickly quit his grumbling and began stuffing his face like a man who hadn't eaten in days. He actually hadn't. He had been conducting a sort of experiment on himself in order to see if – well, that doesn't matter. Realizing on his fourth chimichanga that he was low on soda/juice, he went to go get a re-fill.

"What do you mean, no refills?"

"The sign says right there, sir," the employee pointed to said sign. "We can't give you a refill, but you can order another drink if you get in line."

"I don't want another drink; I want a refill of the drink I already paid for. What's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem, sir. We're not allowed to give re-fills."

"Yo no comprendo your stupid!" Wade left the cup on the counter and stomped back to his table.

"Stupid, conglomerate, big-company, high-minded, stingy jerk-wad people! Darn those businessmen and their accursed money-scrounging ways!" Wade shook his fist in the air and crossed his arms over his chest. "And then he died from dehydration."

As he considered the other restaurants and tried to think which one would give him re-fills, he noticed Rogue's drink that she'd left behind. He picked it up; it was still half-full.

"Or half-empty, depending on your personal view of life."

He didn't usually drink coffee. Natural (genetically engineered) high and all that. But it was liquidy and he was thirsty and that other place was all the way over there. So he drank it.

When Rogue came back to the table, Wade was sitting very still with a very creepy smile on his face.

"Wade, what are you –"

"I-had-coffee-!"

"You – what?"

"I…had…coffee! Ha!"

"What? Why? How much?"

"I-had-coffee! They-don't-give-refills! Five! I-had-five! Vente! Did-you-know-vente-means-twenty? Twenty ounces! Yeah, baby!"

"Oh, no. Wade, come on. We need to go."

"Go? Okay!"

He shot up, turned an about face, and broke out in a dead-run away from her. Within seconds, she'd lost sight of him. Rogue stared dumbly after him, still in shock. She sank into a chair.

"Oh. Crap."

* * *

/chainletters/101-fun-things-to-do-at-walmart/

A/N: The 'Why' will be seen next chapter. "Oh, when are you posting the next chapter?" 'What?' "When are you po-" 'WHAT?' "Whe-" 'WHATCHA SAY!' Do NOT ask me when. It is not summer and now I have stuff to do so just do NOT ask when. do _**NOT!**_

thank you.

I didn't want to use any actual store names because they aren't paying me to give them advertising. Plus, I don't really remember what they're called. Oh, I haven't been shopping so, so long. It's not fun to go if you have two dollars, y'know?

I don't know if Wade would actually act that way on coffee. It might not even affect him since he has a healing factor and the caffeine is a drug. For the sake of the story, though it does.

Man, I wish I could draw some of these. I picture them in my head, like with Wade running through the mall and Rogue chasing after him and he has a Tasmanian devil thing going on.


	10. Billionaires and Dolls, part 5

The whole way to the restaurant, Anna kept changing the radio station. Country, rock, pop, techno, rap, r&b, and finally left it on one. Apparently, they both had a fondness to jazz. Tony thought it was funny how loud and out of tune she was as she sang and made up the words she didn't know to 'I've Got the World on a String'. She didn't appreciate being laughed at and smacked him on the arm. He hit her back and she returned the favor. This started a smack fight in the car which really isn't a good idea when one of the participants is the driver. By the time they arrived, there still was no definite winner.

Wasabi was a high end Chinese restaurant with tasteful Eastern décor and overpriced food. Most people would have to make reservations in advance in order to get a table. However, Tony Stark did not have to go through such inconveniences and as soon as he stepped through the door, he and his 'entourage' were escorted to a private area near the koi pond.

Anna lingered near it as she walked past, amazed at how big the fish were. She sat down next to Rhodey and across from Tony and asked him,

"How come you don't have big fish at your house? You could put them in the pool and swim with them. They'd probably get big enough to ride 'em."

"Pepper says I can't," he replied simply.

They went on to place their orders with the flirtatious waitress that Tony was all too willing to oblige. Tony turned to watch her leave and when he looked back at the table, Anna and Rhodey were mirroring each other with disapproving faces.

"What?"

"Don't play dumb," Rhodey told him.

"You were makin' googly-eyes at her. You'll hurt Pepper's feelings if you keep doin' that," Anna scolded him.

Tony sputtered for a moment.

"I was not! That was completely innocent, and I don't make googly-eyes, and why am I defending myself to a child?"

"I'm not a child! I'm a young lady."

"You're a pain in my a-"

"Watch your mouth," Rhodey warned him.

Tony sighed, already knowing he was defeated. Still, he couldn't help but think they were getting along better.

"You're very confrontational, you know that?" he told her.

"What's conf – that word mean?"

"You pick fights. A lot."

"Oh. So what's it mean when you're too scared to tell someone you love them?"

"A punk," Rhodey supplied.

She sent him a smile, glad to have someone on her side.

"You know what? I'm not speaking to either one of you," Tony told them. "As a matter of fact, I'm going to tell Pepper on you."

And he did. He pulled out his fancy phone, pressed one number, and set it to his ear.

"It's ringing," he informed them.

Anna wasn't too sure if she could get in trouble with this Pepper lady so she asked Rhodey.

"Technically, that would be Tony's job," he told her, "but Pepper works for him so she probably could. She won't though."

"Hello, Mr. Stark. Are you aware that you have an extremely important meeting in three hours?"

"It seems like every meeting is extremely important. Are you aware of how disappointed I was when I found out you wouldn't be joining me for brunch?"

"I have work to do. And so do you."

"I'm working. I'm taking care of little Anna who is a very mean little girl," he said the last part looking at Anna.

She stuck her tongue out at him.

He made a face at her.

"Still, Tony, this is your job, and you have responsibilities here."

"Must you use the 'R' word?" he groaned.

"What's the 'R' word?" Anna asked.

Rhodey went through a quick mental list of what the 'R' word could be.

"Don't worry about it," he replied quickly.

Now that Tony was completely engrossed in talking with Pepper, Anna watched him.

"He's smilin' real big," Anna observed.

"He always does that when he talks to Pepper. Even when she's mad at him. Makes him look like an idiot."

"So she makes him happy. Then why doesn't he marry her? Doesn't he know when he's happy?"

"Actually, he may not. Tony's kind of stupid sometimes," Rhodey put his elbow on the table and leaned his head on his hand.

"I think she likes him too. They should get married. 'Cause that's what you do when you like someone who makes you happy, right?"

"Exactly. You're a very smart little girl," he grinned at her.

"Thank you. Ya wanna help me get them married?"

She mirrored his position except with her opposite elbow and faced him.

"I would love to. Do you have a plan?"

Anna used her other hand and rubbed at an invisible beard on her chin, like she's seen her daddy do. In all of the movies and story books, they always kiss and fall in love. Or fall in love then kiss. She was pretty sure that they were already in love. They just needed to admit it. Then kiss.

"We gotta get them to kiss each other. We have to get them to go on a date with candles and music and stuff, and Pepper can't have her phone, and their can't be other ladies around. Oh, and we can sing 'Kiss the Girl'!"

Rhodey couldn't help smiling at her enthusiasm. It was really cute. It wasn't a bad plan either. Just needed to be tweaked a bit.

"I like general idea. We'll need to iron out a few things though, maybe change a couple things. Okay?"

"Okay."

"What are you two talking about over there?" Tony asked as he slipped his phone in his pocket.

"Nothing," They chorused.

Even after their food came, the trio's teasing never seemed to stop. Anna insulted, sometimes out of childish innocence, other times purposely. Tony retorted, sometimes actually offended, other times feigning hurt to get her to laugh. Rhodey was his usual self, completely on Anna's side and helping taunt Tony. It was amusing that an eight year old girl was putting such a hole in his friend's ego. When dessert was done, Tony announced a surprise for Anna.

"I'm taking you shopping."

"Really?" she asked.

"Why?" Rhodey wondered.

"Yes, really. And because I can't have you following me around all day in your everyday clothes. You're going to help me run the company today."

"What?"

"Miss Howlett," Tony leaned forward on the table, looking very professional, "would you like to be my co-partner?"

Anna tilted her head, looking like she was actually considering it. Rhodey was leant back in his chair looking between the two.

"Do I get paid?"

"Within reason, of course."

"I wanna car."

Rhodey snorted a laugh, and Tony's brow went up.

"Oookay. I can do that. Though you are a bit young."

"You can buy me one when I'm sixteen. I wanna green one like yours but greener."

"You want a Corvette?"

"No, I don't want that. I'm not sure what 'xactly, but whatever it is, you have to get it. Deal?" she offered her hand to him over the table.

Tony sent a look to Rhodey who glanced back at him and shrugged. Tony accepted her hand.

"Deal."

**

* * *

**

Rhodey took off afterwards, having to get back to the base. He told her before he left that if Tony gave her trouble to call him and he'd come beat him up for her. This started an impromptu wrestling match in the parking lot. Military won. Tony took Anna to shop, a ridiculously priced one with more of those weird not-marbles in bowls. He decided that he was going to get a new decorator and have her change every room in his company that had the things in them.

Chontelle came up to them with a big smile that said 'I get paid by the commission'. She was sweet and accommodating, and was quick to learn to keep the pink away from this little girl. During picking out, trying on, and buying clothes and such, Tony worked out a plan with Anna, more of a prank. Having been witness to her 'spunky' attitude, he'd thought she'd enjoy it and he'd been dying to try this out anyway.

With an hour to spare and a trunk full of new clothes, a couple of bags and accessories, miscellaneous items, and some shoes, Tony sped back to Stark Enterprises with time to set everything up for the meeting.

* * *

Men and women dressed in dark suits with a spattering of color here and there sat around a long table waiting for Tony Stark to come and make a presentation about a new product and convince the assembled people to invest in it. Pepper was also in attendance, although at the moment, she was on her Blackberry trying to get in touch with Tony who was very near being late.

She was distracted, however, when there was a collective muttering throughout the crowd. She looked up and saw Anna walk through the doors dressed in a grey suit jacket over a purple shirt and black pleated skirt and heeled shoes. Her curly hair had been brushed back from her face, covering a part of her ears that had what must have been pearl clip earrings, and pulled into a clip at the back of her head. She looked at Pepper and smiled.

Pepper glanced back at the doors, expecting Tony to come in too. He didn't. It was not a good moment for her when she realized that her boss had sent a little girl in his place for a board meeting. Had he lost his mind?

Anna walked to the head of the table where the CEO was supposed to be. With a quick glance around the table, she said,

"Good afternoon, everyone. Mr. Stark sends his apologies, but he will not be making it to this meeting today. I hope you won't mind me taking his place."

"Is this a joke?" one of them asked. Pepper certainly hoped so.

She paused a beat and looked directly at him with an arched brow before answering him.

"Sir, I assure you this is no game. As Mr. Stark's partner,"

Pepper just got a little paler.

"I am here in his place as he is not available. Now, you can leave if you want," she turned to address the rest of the crowd. "But if you want to stay and listen to how this company is going to make you a whole lot of money, feel free," she ended with a wide grin.

Everyone sat stunned. Pepper was internally panicking. What if they left? This was crazy. Why was Tony letting her do this? Where was he?

In his office, Tony watched everything from his computer that he'd used to access the security feed and heard via the little Bluetooth in Anna's ear. With his own deviation of 'Tony Says', instructed Anna on what to do and say and how. He had to cover the mic as he laughed at the expressions on their faces.

It should go without saying that not one person left that room until its conclusion. Afterwards, they would go to their clubs and golf meetings, telling their buddies about the child genius at Stark Industries.

Pepper was now walking through the halls to Tony's office after Anna had left almost immediately after the meeting ended while she'd had to field questions about Anna and turn it all into a positive spin about the company. In the end, she'd left them all with the impression that Stark Industries was overrun with geniuses.

Pepper was of the opinion that it was run by a mad one. She walked into her own office that was separated from Tony's by a wall of glass. She saw Anna and Tony in his office. She was in front of him at his desk, apparently watching the funniest video ever. She walked in and stood in front of the desk, annoyance clearly written on her face. Tony looked up at her, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Pep, you have to see this. Grange looks like he's about to have heart attack when Anna starts talking about the theories behind atomic propulsion."

"Those were a lotta weird words," she giggled. "I don't even know what a lot of 'em mean!"

"Tony, how did it even occur to you to have her do that? What were you thinking? And how did you two pull that off?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it for a while actually. I just never had a kid before. And I didn't want her to be bored while I have to do all these fun meetings," he said with extra emphasis on 'fun'. He picked the ear sets up from the desk. "And we used these. We had to practice a little before I sent her in. That's why we were almost late."

"And 'cause ya almost pulled all my hair out. You don't know how to brush it right," Anna piped up, eyes still intent on the computer screen. She moved back and hopped up in Tony's lap who looked at her in surprise.

"Sorry."

"That's okay. You tried your best," she told him, patting his knee.

Pepper was taken aback as well, having been pretty sure that the two didn't get along at all. Apparently, they'd managed to bond.

"Uh, look, Pep, I'm sorry if I had you worried, but I had it all covered. Plus, if she'd blown it, there are a ton of other backers who'd love to get in on this."

At his words about 'blowing it', Anna glared back at him, offended.

"I'm sure you wouldn't have though," he quickly told her. When her expression didn't change, he changed tactics.

"That suit looks great on you. Doesn't she look cute, Pepper?" he stood her up and made her do a spin.

"Yes, she does."

"I didn't think I'd like this, but I really do," Anna said, tugging at her jacket. "That lady kept tryin' to make me wear pink."

"Pink's cute," Pepper defended.

"I can't wear pink. It looks weird with my hair."

"What are you talking about?" Tony was now leaning towards the computer screen again.

"Red heads can't wear pink."

Tony glanced at her head.

"That's not red."

"Is too. Daddy says its auburn."

"Yeah, not red. Look at Pepper's. That is red."

"My mama's is redder. Pepper's looks orangy."

At that moment, she wasn't sure if she should be offended that her hair had been called 'orangy'.

"Pepper's hair is way prettier than your mom's," Tony argued, now giving Anna his full attention.

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

"So you think Pepper is pretty?"

"Yes!"

Anna smirked and crossed her arms. Pepper blushed and glanced down. Tony looked embarrassed that he'd just been Bugs Bunny'ed. Fortunately for the adults, and before Anna could come up with a way for this to lead to a date for the two, the phone started ringing.

"I'll get it out here," Pepper said and retreated through the glass doors to answer it in her office.

Tony watched her go, turned his chair away and towards the wall, dropping his head into his hands and sighing. Anna's triumphant smirk turned into a frown and she smacked her hand to her face.

"It's like they're working against me," she muttered.

Fine. That's why Rhodey was on her side. She had the advantage. Their combined two working against them as seperates. She was going to get them to get married if it was the last thing she did. She really wanted to go to a wedding!

* * *

A/N: And so, Anna's true motive is revealed!

So me and my sister are in the back and seats, and our friends are in the front. The brothers start a 'smack fight' while he is driving on the interstate. Fortunately, the better driver was in control of the wheel. In the back, we're just looking at each other like 'This might not have been the best idea.' This is just a long way to say that happens.

**Queenith2:** I haven't started on your request. Or **Lord Shade**'s –aka the Godfather. Kiss the freaking ring- either. Just lettin' you know.


	11. Adopted

A tribute to the Godfather, **Lord Shade.** You asked for it.

Anna is ten. This is two years after the B's & D's story arc.

* * *

There were some low points in Logan's life. Half of which he could not remember thanks to Weapon X's little mind wipe program. However, a new one that came very close to beating all of them, even the time Sabertooth had left him for dead and he'd had to crawl through a blizzard with his guts hanging out, was upon him. The Wolverine was suffering the indignity of pushing a shopping cart through Wal Mart with his ten year old daughter. That part he didn't mind. She was a good kid, and he'd liked her pretty well at this point, even if she was mouthy. The problem was her skipping 'Uncle' Wade, literal skipping, next to him. Not for the first or fiftieth time, he was regretting saving him from Weapon X.

Honestly, what's the worst that could have happened if he'd ignored that call from Fury? The word 'clone' came to mind. He admitted it could be worse.

Even with the skipping and the stares that came with it, he could take. It use to annoy him, but he got over it. The real problem with his skipping 'brother' was the incessant noise coming out of his mouth.

They passed a woman with a cart with various items.

"Ooh, peanut butter! Can I have that?"

"No."

"Aw."

They passed an old woman.

"Ooh, cheesy puffs! Can I have some?"

"No."

"Aw."

A teenager carrying something in his hands.

Ooh, pickles! Can I – "

"Shut your mouth before I murder you? Yes, you can. Start now."

"You're bein' me to Uncle Wade again, Daddy," Anna said.

"Yeah, Daddy. You're being mean," Wade concurred.

"Do not call me 'Daddy'. And stop calling him 'Uncle'. We are not related."

"But we share the same blood. Genetically altered in sick, twisted ways that were not meant to be but it is so. We are family. Get up everybody and sing!" he threw his arms up in the air.

"He is too my uncle," Anna defended. "He acts like a uncle. It doesn't matter if it's blood."

"He acts like a mentally ill, asylum patient. You do know that when I got you out of that compound, you weren't supposed to stay, right?"

"Ooh, look!" Wade pointed, either not hearing Logan or deliberately ignoring him. "A baby. I love babies. They're like fat, little, remedial, drooling, mini people! Jimmy, we should totally get one. We could name him Wade Jr. Or Wadette. I don't do diaper duty."

The mother of pointed at baby sent them all strange looks before power walking away.

"Excuse me."

They collectively turned to see a little old lady with a buggy filled with cat food.

"I'm just curious. Which one of you is the man and which one is the b – "

"**Price check on dog food! Price check on dog food**."

They stared at her for a full minute, Wade covering Anna's ears. That was pointless as she heard what the woman said, and she's heard worse in several different languages anyway.

"Umm…Pardon me?" Wade asked, not quite sure what the lady said. He was pretty sure it was something off the wall, but he was the only one who was supposed to say off the wall things.

"Yes, because there's a tv show with some men like you and they have a little girl too. They were thinking about adopting another child. I was just curious, you see."

"Oh, he – "

"**Laundry detergent on sale! Laundry detergent on sale!**"

"No," Logan finished.

"You think we're gay?" Wade clarified.

"Well, that's what you are, aren't you?"

"Now that you mention it," Wade sent Logan an appraising look. "He is kinda queery, isn't he?"

Logan sent Wade a death glare that Anna would one day perfect. Even then, it did not work on the mentally insane. That's not to say he didn't recognize when someone was trying to set him on fire with their mind – _You're not a pyrokinetic, silly_ - ; he just didn't care. The fact that he could live through just about anything did nothing to deter that thought.

"What?" Logan growled.

Anna was still trying to figure out what they were talking about.

"Me, personally, I don't swing that way. I can't really say for sure about you, buddy. Say, is that why Rae-Rae left you?"

Logan had been trying really very hard to keep a check on his anger, going through the pros and cons of decapitating Wade. Cons: they were in public, that would draw attention, bad example for the brat, he still wouldn't be dead. Pros: it would make him feel _so _much better.

_SNIKT_

"Can't you take a joke?" Wade yelled as he sprinted off, barely missing the claws aimed for him. "Or did Raven take your sense of humor with her when she left?"

Logan took off after him with a roar, going into a mini-berserker rage, leaving Anna with the buggy and the weird old lady.

"Oh, dang! I am so outta here," the old woman turned and ran off a lot faster than expected. Within seconds, the old woman was out of sight and a teenage boy with dark hair was running the same way.

Anna sighed, got the buggy, and went on to finish getting the items on her list. She wasn't concerned about either her daddy or uncle. They played like that a lot. She was sure they were just playing because every other time they did this, they came back fine. They were like little boys on the playground who play wrestling, except all grown up.

By the time her family showed up, she'd gotten everything on the list plus some and they found her looking at the boy's toys because you can only stare at so many Barbies before they start to look the same.

"You know what? You're mean. I can't take being in this relationship. All I do is, give, give, give, and you're just take, take, take. Well, let me tell you something, Mister. I wanna divorce!"

"I really do hate you. You know that, right?" Logan asked him, now a lot more calm.

"Yeah, but you hate me less than you hate Fluffy and Iron Pants and a whole lot of other people. I figure that I'm so low on your list of hated people that I'm pretty close to the like portion. It's all about proportions, my friend," Wade slung his arm over Logan's shoulder.

"Don't touch me," Logan growled.

"You sound like a woman," Wade removed his arm. "Do you have a headache too?"

"You ready to go, kid?"

Logan either ignored Wade's last comment or didn't hear him. Considering the enhanced hearing, probably the former.

"I been ready," Anna said, "Y'all two are the ones runnin' 'round playing all the time. I swear, y'all are like a couple of kids. I can't take ya anywhere. Ya just got no home trainin'," Anna grumbled, pushing the buggy between them and out the aisle.

They fell in step behind her. Seemingly, Logan had gotten over his mental lapse and Wade was running his mouth less.

"What's her problem?" Wade asked.

Logan grunted.

"Yeah, she probably just needs chocolate. It's like crack for them or something."

They kept walking toward the checkout silently for a moments before Wade had to ruin it. He honestly cannot help himself.

"If I were gay, you'd be the last, and I mean last, man on earth I'd be gay for. Between you or women, I'd have to go straight. Quite frankly, you are a ugly, U-G-L-YIIIIEEEE!"

Logan had, once again, lost all semblance of sanity and attacked Wade, this time clawless. Wade had enough sense to run. This was the last time he let them keep his guns in the truck. They took off past Anna who at this point was very tired of Wal Mart.

"You coulda at least left your wallet!" she called after them. "I'm beginning to think all boys are gay," she muttered, having come to the conclusion that gay meant stupid.

She saw her uncle running back towards her, her dad not in sight. He dropped something in the cart and kept running. Moments later, Logan ran past. Anna checked to see what he left. Logan's wallet and keys to the truck.

"Don't you dare leave us, young lady!" Wade commanded as he came running back the other way.

"Yeah, you're lucky I can't reach the pedals all the way."

**

* * *

**

"In other news, these men were seen at a West Coast Wal Mart," a bleach blond woman reporter said.

Tony glanced up at the TV screen where he saw a tall, red blur run by followed by a short, dark one.

"This happened twice and the police were called the second time, but as they weren't actually damaging anything and there are no behavior codes for it, they were not arrested. However, witnesses claimed that they heard the shorter man threaten to kill the other man."

Tony was already on his phone.

"Hello?"

"Anna, you know I meant it when I said you could live here, right?"

"Yes, Tony. I know you did and so did Rhodey. I don't want to though, so y'all just have to have your own babies. Maybe when they get older, they'll be as wonderful as me."

"Where did you get that ego from?"

"Ego? I don't know. Who could I have possibly picked that one up from? Oh, that was you."

"You know what? I just came back to my senses. I don't want you. I somehow forgot how evil you are."

"That's 'cuz you're stupid."

"Whatever. 'Bye, spawn of evil."

"Buh-bye, Nancy."

* * *

A/N: Haha, Everybody loves Raymond moment. Lord Shade, you may excel at the Zuko torture, but I'm thinking Logan torture is fitting pretty well for me . I think I'll do another one following this idea. I thank you for the fuel.

Does anyone else's mom complain of lack of home training? Well, whose fault is that, hmm? What people really need is 'not at home' training.

If it's not clear, that old lady was a shape shifter kid who needs a keeper. At this point, Logan does not have the tolerance and learned (forced) fondness of Wade.

Wal Mart security kinda sucks, don't it?

Now…what should Remy steal? Uh-oh. Nevermind. I got it :D The poor man.


	12. What Is This Permit of Which You Speak?

_When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my granddaddy. Not screaming in terror like the passenger in his car._

* * *

"But you said you'd teach me," Anna argued as she sat on the floor of the garage. Logan was on a creeper (1) under the truck, doing something or other.

"Hand me the pliers," he held out his hand to receive the requested tool.

Anna, dressed in a pair of overalls, glanced at the tool box.

"The little red one?"

"Yeah."

She picked it up and dropped it in his hand.

"I mean, why would you say you'd teach me if you're not gonna?" she adjusted the bandana she'd tied around her curly hair, now with a white streak through it.

"I will. I never said when I would. And it'll be never if you keep naggin' me."

"You know, you don't actually have to wait 'til I'm fifteen. It's not really a law, more like a suggestion."

"Anna."

"Yeah?"

"No."

Anna sighed and got up, dusting off the seat of her pants.

"All right. Fine. I guess…" she started walking out of the garage, "I could just ask Wade," she paused at the door and looked back.

He knew Wade would teach her if she asked. Wade would do anything for Anna. He absolutely spoiled her. But really. Did he want Wade to teach Anna how to drive? Or rather, Wade's version of how to drive. 'If the lights red, and you don't see any cops or cameras on top of the post, go right through if you think you can make it.'

"We'll start tomorrow, you little brat."

"Thank you, Daddy."

**

* * *

The next day, Logan went to Anna's room. He stood at the doorway a moment. He has had this kid for six years. And she already wanted to learn how to drive which was a step towards independence. Meaning she wouldn't be dependant on him so much. She wouldn't need him. Logan frowned at his thoughts as he approached the bed. Since when was he sentimental?**

Anna was flopped over on her stomach, arms tightly around her pillow. He almost didn't have the heart to disturb. Note the 'almost'.

Logan gripped the edge of the sheets and gave a decisive yank. As the nice, warm sheets were ripped away and replaced with cool air, Anna shrieked and curled in on herself.

"Wha's wrong witchu?" she slurred groggily.

He let the sheets fall.

"I thought you said you wanted to learn how to drive?" he asked though it wasn't really a question.

Anna sprang up, still holding the pillow, and her hair going every which way.

"Are you serious? We're gonna go now?"

"Unless you had other plans. But then I don't know when –"

"No, no plans!" she hopped out of the messy bed, "Get out so I can change," she rushed to her closet and started searching for clothes then looked over her shoulder. "Please," she added as an afterthought.

Logan complied, more than a little amused by his daughter's enthusiasm and shut the door behind him. He went to the kitchen and found Wade there. He was sitting at the table with a mug of what had better not be coffee because he knew he wasn't supposed to have any, a newspaper in front of his face, and a small vase that Logan had never seen before with a daisy in it. From what he could see, Wade was only wearing his boxers and a pair of socks. He moved the paper when he greeted Logan with a 'Good morning' and returned it to its place, revealing Logan to be wrong. He was wearing his mask and pinstripe fedora.

"What are - why are you -? Forget it," he waved it away as he moved to the coffee pot. Some things just weren't that important to know and in the end, you really don't want to know.

"So what're we doin' today?" Wade asked as he tossed the rest of the paper aside and just had the funnies.

Logan glanced at him out of the corner of his eye as he gulped the painfully black coffee.

"Anna wants to learn how to drive. I'm gonna teach her."

"She's thirteen. Aren't kids supposed to have permits and be like fifteen or something for that?"

"Yup."

"Oh. Okay," he continued reading the paper. Then he started laughing hysterically. "Oh, that Garfield! He's such a funny, fat cat. I hate cats!"

"'Kay, I'm ready, let's go!"Anna said as she ran into the kitchen, grabbed Logan's arm, and tried to pull him to the door.

"Can I drink my coffee? Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, fine," she let go and crossed her arms. Logan proceeded to slowly sip his coffee.

"Hey, kid! Don't I get a 'Good morning, Uncle Wade' or something?" Wade asked.

"Yeah, hey, how you doin'?" she barely glanced at him.

"Why, I'm doing just fine. So nice of you to ask."

Anna narrowed her eyes at her father as he took tiny sips of coffee as he returned her stare.

"You're doin' this on purpose," she stated.

He huffed a laugh, chugged the rest of the coffee, and set it on the counter.

"Fine, brat. Let's go. Wade, do not set the house on fire again."

"You say that like I did it on purpose."

"Did you?"

"…nah, 'course not."

"Whatever, we're leaving now please?" Anna got behind Logan and he let himself be pushed out the door.

**

* * *

"What's that?"**

"Shift gear."

"Where's the gas?"

"The one on the right. The brake is on the left."

"How do you start it?"

"Put the key in and turn it."

"Then do that."

Anna did as she was told, putting the key in and starting the engine. When it turned over, she turned to Logan and grinned.

"Fix your mirrors. Can you see the mail box?"

"Yeah."

"You shouldn't."

"Oh…there. Set."

"All right. Drive."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Oookay."

Logan leaned back in the passenger seat, content to be chauffered.

**

* * *

"Where am I suppposed to be drivin' to?"**

"Don't matter. Stop looking at me, look at the road."

"Can I go to the book store?"

"You're the one drivin'. Use your turn signal; the other guy doesn't know what you're doin'."

"You can turn right on red?"

"If you stop first. No, let him go first. Ease out. Hit it."

"Yellow means slow down, not speed up."

"That's what you do."

"This is a do as I say thing, not as I do. Got it?"

"Get it."

"Anna, do not race him."

"But he's challenging me! I could totally smoke him!"

"You could totally pull this over and get out the driver's seat if you're gonna act a fool."

She sighed, rolled her eyes, and breaked.

**

* * *

"And that is drivin'," Logan said as he stepped out of the truck and shut the door. They'd been gone just shy of an hour, driving around town with no real destination.**

"That was easy," she said, swinging the keys around a gloved finger. "So when are we gonna teach Anna how to drive stick shift?"

"You just can't wait to get outta here, huh?"

"I just wanna be prepared for sixteen, is all," she told him, coming around to his side to walk inside.

"You'd think I was gettin' you a car with the way you're talkin'."

"I never said _you _were," she walked in front of him into the house.

She walked around the counter to the fridge and pulled out the makings of breakfast."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She grinned widely at him.

"Tony owes me."

Anna decided to make 'breakfast sandwiches'. Lovely little creations.

She cracked several eggs and dropped them into a bowl.

"Has anyone seen the whisk?" Anna asked as she looked through the drawers.

Wade slid into the kitchen on his socked feet, now maskless and hatless, and gasped dramatically, slapping his hands on the sides of his face.

"You lost the whisk? Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no! How can we go on?" he wailed to the ceiling with his arms raised before he slumped forward onto the wall, sobbing. Logan paid him no attention whatsoever as he started reading the paper Anna had left on the table for him.

"Do you even know what a whisk is?" Anna asked on the verge of laughter.

Wade popped off the wall and leaned one handed on it, completely sobless.

"I can't even begin to fathom what it could possibly be."

"Which describes your grasp for most things," Logan commented.

"Jimmy's got jokes! So what's it for? Can I eat it?"

"You use it to mix the eggs," Anna told him as she settled next to the bowl of eggs.

"Why don't you use a fork?"

"It'll bruise the eggs."

Wade gave her a squinty-eye look.

"What? 'Bruise the eggs?' What does that even mean? You know what, nevermind."

He stood up and walked to the cabinet and pulled out a plastic zip-loc bag. He picked up the bowl, poured the eggs in, sealed it, and started shaking the bag in a sort of dance.

"Scrambled, scrambled, scrambled, scraaaammmmbled! Whoooo-oooooo-oooooo! There!" he dropped the bag on the counter. "Scrambled eggs. Now do the thing with the pot and cook them."

"You use a skillet. Move."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I need O.J. Not Simpson, the other one," he went to the fridge, got the whole jug and a pitcher before returning to his seat he had earlier.

The rest of their Saturday proceeded normally aside from Wade having delusions of being on the 'I Love Lucy' show. He was Lucy.

* * *

**Three years later…**

**Outside of Richards, South Carolina**

Usually, Logan preferred the mountain country to anything. Since he got Rogue, though, he'd basically let her pick where they were going live. This latest plot of land was a pretty good choice. They were miles away from people. Walking any direction, it would take hours for anyone to reach property that didn't belong to him. Most of the people in town didn't even know exactly where he and his family lived which suited him just fine.

Which was the reason why he was surprised when he came home to see hunter green Camaro, black racing stripes down the middle, sitting pretty in front of the porch. Rogue was standing next to it, face beaming, and Wade was jumping up and down squealing like a girl.

"Jimmy! Check this out! Do you see this car? Wade yelled and pointed unnecessarily to the car.

Logan stepped out of his truck and walked over to it.

"Where'd it come from?" he asked.

"The Camaro fairy brought it for Roguey!"

Logan ignored Wade and looked to Rogue. She simply smiled that Cheshire smile.

"Tony owed me."

"What I gotta do to get owed one of them?" Wade asked.

"One time deal."

"Dang! So you lettin' me take this baby for a spin?"

"Oh, no. No, no, no."

"No fair! I let you drive my car."

"Right until the day you wrapped it around a light post."

"It jumped out in front of me, I swear."

**

* * *

****Two years later**

Kestrel made a check over the grounds for any information his team of amateurs had most likely missed. Because of the fact that he was hoping he wouldn't find anything, he did an even less thorough check. Although, he did find a good supply of cigars that he was most definitely keeping.

Back in the kitchen, the table was set for three people with a good spread of food. Throughout the house, there were pictures of a girl, young and older, sometimes with Logan, most times with Wade.

Sometimes, he really hated himself.

Marrow walked in through the side door.

"Anything?"

"No, there's nothing of use here," she responded. "It looks like they went through tunnels underground."

"Really?" he asked uninterested.

Tunnels under the house. They were almost as paranoid as he was.

"Are the charges set?" he asked her as he walked through the house to the front door.

"The ones around the house, yes. The charges for the barn, garage, whatever it is, have been delayed."

"There a reason for that?"

He turned to face the pink haired mutant on the porch.

"Diaz thought there was something you might want to see."

"Let's see what our boy's got then."

Marrow blinked and Kestrel was gone.

"I hate when he does that," she complained.

Kestrel could only stare in awestruck wonder at the sight of the deep green Camaro in front of him. How Logan could have brought himself to leave this beauty behind, he couldn't fathom. But then if he had a kid, he'd probably do the same.

Washout was standing next to him, admiring the view. Wordlessly, he raised his hand, holding a set of keys in front of Kestrel's face. He took them from him, tipped his hat, and was in the car in the blink of an eye. He started it and revved the V8 engine.

"Set the charges, retrieve Victor, and pack it in."

The car shot forward, Washout flinched badly, and Kestrel, with the car vanished from sight.

* * *

a/n: I hope I didn't lose anyone with the switches.

If anyone gets the whisk reference, as in you know what movie, you get a chapter dedication for no other reason than I feel like it and that movie was a part of my childhood.

What? Did we really want a description of driving? I can draw from my experience where my dad basically just told me to drive and I'd never done that before and almost had a panic attack. Then later he's all 'Oh, haven't you driven before?' 'I live with you people! When have you ever seen me drive?'

My mom could drive when she was twelve. But then she grew up in the country way back when and Big Daddy used to be a cop so he could let his baby drive. Point is, I don't think Logan would follow that law and several others and see it more as a suggestion and then do whatever he wanted with his kid 'cause she's his and you think you can tell him what to do? Good luck with that.

(1)that is basically a flat board with wheels on it so it's easier to move and work on the undercarriage of a vehicle


	13. Billionaires and Dolls, part 6

**Queenie**, I forgot. What was that story you wanted? I know it involved Mystique in some way and it's in one of your reviews but I ain't about to go through 'em.

* * *

The rest of the day, Tony behaved himself mostly like a CEO of a company should. He went to his meetings, he sucked up to investors, he put up with their bull crap, and he made Pepper's life easier.

"I'm bored!" Anna whined.

"Me too," he wanted to say, but that would have encouraged her petulance which would have encouraged his.

No one really wanted two brats running around, did they?

In the process, Anna had been with him most of the time and that had been her mantra throughout the day as he didn't want to push his luck with another stunt like the meeting. She'd had to sit quietly while he talked to a bunch of stuffed shirts that even he didn't want to deal with. He truly felt for the kid.

At the third meeting, he'd been about to sink into a comatose state of boredom and depression until Anna started crossing her eyes at the fat man whose name he didn't care to remember across from her. What really got him was that the man, who looked almost as bored at them, starting making faces back at her and they went back and forth with this routine throughout the meeting until Tony ruined it. He couldn't help it. He laughed like a maniac, nearly falling out his chair, and when Anna started giggling and the fat man snorted a chuckle too, he almost died.

Then Pepper sent them the _look. _You know. The one that implies you really will die. Painfully. Soon Was it odd that he thought that was sexy? Anyway, all three of them had shut up, sat down, and behaved.

After a while, he sent her to his office and had one of the temps watch her and do what she asked 'within reason'. Two hours later and a quarter to three, he walked into his office, ready for this day to be over.

"Hi, Tony! This guy…wants to… talk to you," Anna said as bounced on the couch situated on the wall of his office. He'd never realized it was so bouncy before. Of course, he usually just used it for naps anyway. At least she'd taken off her shoes.

The guy, Mr. Akito, had risen from his chair, met Tony halfway, and bowed to him. Tony returned the gesture. Then he reached out to shake his hand.

"Mr. Akito, glad to have you back." he said with a grin, absently wondering what Anna had done with the temp and if he should be expecting the police to show up about a missing person.

"Thank you, Mr. Stark. This girl says that you are her host for the week?"

"Yes, little Anna's father is an old friend of Stark Industries and he needed a favor. I was more than happy to oblige him. Now, about what we discussed earlier…" he left the sentence hanging, leaving Akito with the perfect opportunity to slide his acceptance in.

"Unfortunately, Mr. Stark, my client sends her regrets that Shi'iar will not be able to embark on this project with you."

Tony felt his eye twitch.

"I see."

"I apologize, Mr. Stark," Akito said.

"Oh, no, nothing to apologize for. I…thank you for your time and your consideration. Will you be headed back today?"

"Yes, I had planned to go home after this."

"Have a safe trip then," Tony grinned and gripped the other man's hand in a shake that he tried not to make too hard.

"Thank you, Mr. Stark. Good bye."

"Yeah, bye!" he sent the other man off with a small wave, smile frozen in place.

When he was gone, the smile dropped. Tony brought his hands up and pretended to choke someone. Then he gestured wildly with his hands out of frustration.

Through the clear glass wall, his employees could see him. Apparently having some type of violent seizure. He had those from time to time, it seemed.

Tony had been shmoozing that...shmuck for a week! He could have been half done with his project by now if he'd gone with one of the others. But no! Oh, no, he'd been _assured_ that it was a done deal. No worries. Everything will go smoothly.

He felt so used.

"Motherfu – uu-" he abruptly coughed and stopped moving once he whirled around and saw Anna.

She was now sitting on the back of the couch and staring at him with utter fascination. His arms were frozen in the act of pulling his hair out. His brown eyes were wide, and he was breathing heavily. He took one deep breath and started to set his appearances to right, running his hands through his hair and straightening his jacket.

"Ya threw a tantrum," Anna said in an awed sort of voice.

His eyes twitched again.

"I didn't throw a tantrum. I…" he tried to think quickly of what exactly that was.

"Ya threw a fit?" Anna supplied.

He groaned and stalked over to a metal fridge. He opened it and pulled out a bottle of chardonnay. He opened a cabinet above it to get a glass but then shut it again.

"What's that?" Anna asked.

"Nothing you can have," he told her as he expertly removed the cork.

"Oh."

She knew what that meant. Her dad had stuff all the time that she couldn't. She'd asked him once if she could have some when she 'got old as him'. He'd laughed at that and told her that when she was as old as him, she could do whatever she wanted.

It popped off, shooting across the room, and fizz spilled out of the bottle.

"You're makin' a mess."

"Yup."

He brought it to his lips and drank deeply. He sighed as he set the bottle on his desk.

"Are you okay?"

"Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm fine."

Then he heard Pepper's heels steadily becoming louder and louder and groaned, throwing his hand over his eyes. They stopped, and he knew that she was just on the other side of his desk. Probably frowning at him with her arms crossed under her chest. Or maybe her hands on her very nice hips. He peeked at her from between his fingers. It was the chest.

"What do you think you're doing?" her tone was not 'I'm not okay with what you're doing but I'll let you get away with it' Pepper. This was her 'You better have a very good reason why I shouldn't shoot you for that' Pepper voice. Honestly, he thought that was sexy too, and that he should get therapy or something.

Did she even own a gun?

"Like…at this moment, 'cause I'm kinda staring at your – "

"Tony! I am not playing with you. Why. Do you have. A bottle of wine. At three in the afternoon? And in front of a child?

"I am very thirsty," he said. To prove his point, he took another long swig of wine before Pepper snatched it from him. As a result, some spilled onto his shirt.

He looked down at it as she paid him no attention and started ranting at him.

"I'm going through that again, Tony! I'm not going to just let you start drinking again!"

"One bottle doesn't equal drunkard."

"That's how it starts with you. Just one sip, one marguerita. This time you completely skipped that and went straight to bottles!" her voice was near hysterical.

Tony turned his back on her and went over his closet in the corner of the office, seemingly ignoring Pepper. He removed his jacket and tie, hanging them on a hook on the door, before taking of his shirt. She tried not to stare, but her boss was, in a word, fit. Very. Refusing to ogle her boss, she turned away blushing.

"You're not even listening."

"Yes, I am."

She jumped when she turned to find him right beside her. He'd changed into a plain white t-shirt that didn't look at all awkward with his Armani pants.

He brought his hand up to her cheek but _just _didn't touch her.

"Thank you, Pepper."

They stood together for a long moment, staring into each other's eyes. Anna was leaning forward, fiddling with her hair and almost giddy.

Pepper blinked and her gaze went to his lips. He leaned towards her.

Then abruptly, something shifted, and Tony straightened and dropped his hand.

"Come on, Anna. We're done for today," he called to the girl.

He walked away slowly as she sat stunned.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Pep."

Why didn't he kiss her? He was supposed to kiss her and get married! It was sabotage!

She hopped off the couch and picked up her shoes, not bothering to put them on. She rushed out the door, bidding (a disappointed and confused, Anna thought,) Pepper a quick 'Bye', and caught up to Tony.

"Are you sure that you're really okay?"

Maybe he didn't kiss her because he was sick and he didn't want her to get his germs. He looked a little bad. Or maybe he was just really stupid.

He looked down at her wide, innocent grey eyes and managed to smile genuinely.

"I'm human. I'm as okay as I'm going to get."

Anna nodded, not really understanding but accepting his answer nonetheless. She needed to think anyway. That in the office episode had meant something very important. She just wasn't sure. Something told her she couldn't ask Tony or Pepper. That left Rhodey. She determined to call him once they got back to Tony's house.

"Do you have ice cream at your house?" Anna asked.

"We'll stop at Ben and Jerry's," Tony said, absently, "How's that sound?"

"Awesome!"

"Isn't it though?"

A sly smile formed on his face.

"What's your favorite flavor?" he asked.

"Neapolitan's the best," she claimed.

"No way. Chocolate mint," he refuted.

"Neapolitan."

"Chocolate mint."

"'Politan."

"Mint."

"'Politan."

"Mint."

"'Politan."

"Mint."

"'Politan."

"'Politan."

"Mint."

"Ha!" Tony cried.

Anna rolled her eyes, having realized what he did.

"Real mature, Tony."

It, in fact, wasn't. But he didn't care. It was all he could do to not say 'In your face!'. But he behaved himself and took his win graciously. After all, life was made up of the little victories.

* * *

a/n: Please don't kill me for not updating SGIH! It's the fox's fault! *holds blue fox plushie in front of self*

Seriously, Remy and Rogue with their little (huge, gargantuan) drama is giving me a bit (Galapagos) of trouble. So y'all get this. Also on the plus side, I'm writing some 26 little Romys for one of those alphabet thingys. The fox is helping me with everything but the really important one.

Wait a minute…Am I only on the second day for this thing? Feathermucker!

**Next time on Billionaires and Dolls : See? That's why Anna's not allowed to have sugar.**


	14. A Title to Do with Christmas

**If you like this..._this, _I take credit for it. If you don't, it's all Kazoo's fault. I don't know if it could be a crack fic since this could actually happen for real with them.**

The Howlett family never really did much for Christmas. Logan found all the activity to be highly annoying. The parents running around trying to find gifts for their brats was just stupid. It wasn't like their life was over because they didn't get the stupid Barbie that they were going to forget about in ten days.

A part of him was ashamed that he even knew what a Barbie was.

At ten years of age, Anna had pretty much grown out of the need to make a big deal out of Christmas, one reason being the influence of her father, the other reason being she was spoiled the other three-hundred and sixty-four days out of the year. Between her father, her new 'Uncle' Wade, her godparents, and her 'big brother' Rhodey, she could have anything she wanted for the asking.

As for Wade…after the events of last year, Wade was no longer allowed to 'celebrate' Christmas, as cited by the C.I.A, the F.B.I and several other letters. It was one of the very few things agreed upon unanimously in years. Information beyond that is strictly classified on a need to know basis. However, a Catholic priest, a German shepherd named Mary, and an Asian man named Rudolph were involved.

This year was not going to be anything special. Pepper had tried to convince them to come to Malibu for the holiday, but Logan had declined for them, despite Anna's wishes. His logic was that they were clear on the East coast in Virginia and there was no way they would make it in time for Christmas all the way in California. She didn't see why they just couldn't fly or take a train. Two words: metal skeleton. There was no way he could get through security without a full cavity search. Besides him, Wade never went anywhere without his small armory unless sufficiently bribed. So they stayed in their little town of River Port, Virginia in their house just outside of city limits without a tree or a string of garland in sight. However, if Anna had insisted even a little then they would have gone all-out. If she didn't want to make a big fuss about it, neither were going to try and convince her otherwise.

On this eve before Christmas, Anna was being entertained by her adopted uncle Wade who was showing her how to play poker. They had been using cash for stakes because then she'd 'be aware of the real consequences and not want to do it for real. Because gambling is wrong and stuff'. Logan had then back-handed him and ordered him to give the girl her money back. Now they were playing with various junk foods of cookies, cake, and brownies. Surprisingly, Anna did better when it came to the sugary treats, and Wade suspected that he'd just been hustled. After accumulating a large stack and leaving Wade with one lone cookie, she was sent to bed with Logan promising to have her stomach pumped if she ate even one of the sugar loaded snacks. With a few more whines, curses, and mumbles than he wanted to hear, Anna pouted down the hall.

After making sure that the little imp was actually going to bed to sleep and not read, Logan walked back down the hall. Glancing in the kitchen, he could see Wade eating a cake. Like a whole, two-layered, red velvet cake. He looked at him with begrudging awe at the speed with which he shoveled it in his face. As if sensing the eyes on him, Wade paused with the serving spoon halfway to his mouth and one cheek bulging like a chipmunk and turned to look at Logan. He glanced at the cake speculatively and back at Logan. Then he shoved the spoon out to him and blinked up with wide eyes.

"Wan' sum?" he asked around the cake in his mouth.

Logan merely blinked at him then walked past to the fridge and pulled out something distinctly alcoholic. Wade shrugged then continued to see how much cake he could eat before he overloaded his healing factor and was forced to throw it up. Because it was either this or go watch holiday specials which is how that 'classified Christmas' had gotten started. Logan left him to his business and went to his own room.

Wade merely shrugged.

"Mo' fo' ma!"

At some time past one, the Howlett home was quiet. Not one creak of a board or a squeak of a mouse. (Wade had a very interesting way to get rid of them.) Outside, the soft falling of the snow muffled even the sound of the occasional, passing car. With the two elder men of the house having heightened senses, it was a matter-of-course that they would hear the steps of several armed men surrounding their house.

The men had had enough sense to forgo the traditional skulk wear of black, seeing as that would be a dead give-away against the snowy ground. However, they seemed to have forgotten that creeping up to this particular house inhabited by these certain people would just be a death-wish.

A team of four was approaching from the west side, coming out from the trees. The full moon illuminated their way, even without the help of their night-vision goggles. One thing about those goggles: sight is limited.

They moved spread out with one out front, two behind just to either side of him, and one in the rear, forming a sort of a generalized diamond formation. None of the others noticed when the man in the back wasn't following them anymore. The one on right center didn't have enough time to react when left center went down, a spray of red preceding his fall. He was met with a similar end. The lead didn't know he was alone until he made it to one of the windows. He happened to glance behind him and was met with the sight of three blades coming at his face. Then he knew no more.

The others, a total of twenty-four men, were similarly dealt with in short order. Deadpool had come down from his treetop perch, rifle held at rest against his shoulder, and was examining his kills.

"Headshot. Headshot. Head. Aw, missed! Got him in the jugular. Whatever, close enough," he glanced over at Logan. "So Santa brought me what I wanted for Christmas! How 'bout you?"

Wolverine stared down dispassionately at the bloodied body at his feet.

"Wade?"

"Yup?"

"Why are _ninjas _coming here?"

"Psh, heck if I know. Although it _might_ have to do with a small, unimportant scroll or…a temple nun. It's hard to say really. Those guys are just so hyper-sensitive."

"Do I even want to know?"

"No. No, ya don't! Trust me on this one," he waved on hand airily. "I mean 'cause I'd really have to kill you. And you're almost as hard to kill as me," a hand went to his chin. "Then you'd fight back, and it'd be really suck for Anna if she had to be an orphan because those scenarios never end well. Then Ravey would come to kill me 'cause she's the only one who's allowed to kill her ex-lovers or something. You know, I really don't like that word. Lovers. It's just…ick!"he shuddered then snapped his fingers. "Ooh! Can you swim? Because it would be so much easier to just drop your adamantium butt in a river or something."

The smile on his face dropped away into a lost look as he glanced around for his... _genetically engineered _brother. He was met with the sight of his back, the feral man already working to get rid of the bodies and find some way to remove the red-stained snow.

"Jimmy!" he whined.

Logan glanced back to see Deadpool right behind him.

"Don't run off like that!"

He sent him a level, blank stare and said slowly for the feeble-minded,

"I didn't _run; _I walked away, ever so slowly. Now git to work."

"'Kay!"

Deadpool then had the idea to take a page from one of those Disney movies Anna made him watch completely against his will because no way did a deranged mercenary actually enjoy them, and started to whistle while he worked.

"I swear, if you don't shut up, Wade!"

"All right, all right! You're such a buzz kill, dude. Like seriously.

From where he was standing with one body slung over his shoulder and another secured in his hand by his belt, Wade could see in Logan's stance that he was irritated.

"I don't know, do ya think I should?" he seemingly asked the corpses. Then he glanced at either one and laughed. "Yeah, right! Stupid question. You're kinda dead after all!"

"So," Wade called out "…when are we gonna open presents?"

The feral man's head jerked involuntarily. He slowly turned to look at the taller man. It was never good when he did things slowly. That meant he was already tensed up to kill you and was keeping back the impulse to whip around and slash a new hole for whoever was stupid enough to stand there to breathe through. But Wade was bored now. Wade needed to get his entertainment somehow. If he had to poke a temperamental wolverine with a stick for his kicks and giggles, so be it.

"Presents?" the Wolverine growled through clenched teeth. "Is that what you said? Presents?"

Deadpool nodded enthusiastically.

"I'll tell you what. As soon as we get back, we're gonna open the presents. Matter of fact, I'll tell ya. I'll save you the trouble. Your present is a giant, freakin' cannon, all right? And when we get back, you're gonna crawl into it. Then I'm gonna load two pounds of gunpowder in it, and I'm gonna light it up and shoot you right out into friggin' Jersey, okay? And then I'm gonna steal a car and drive to Jersey and pick up all the little stupid pieces of your body, put 'em in a big plastic bag, bring it back to my house, put 'em in the fireplace, light 'em on fire. I'm gonna sit there with a glass of whiskey and watch the Charlie Brown special with my kid with your ashes heatin' my damn house! Gah!"

Wade took in the animalistic rage contorting his features, teeth bared in a silent growl, and a puff of white air for every heated breath he took. Wade saw all of this, yet he still said,

"You're an angry, angry little man, you know that?"

SNIKT

"Oh, I'll show you angry!"

Wade was already running the other way before the bodies had hit the ground. The mad man actually giggled when Logan caught him, unsheathing his twin katana. He was certain that after they'd pull whatever pieces of themselves they were about to cut off back together, they'd finish the clean up in good spirits, wake the kid, and surprise her with her gifts they'd gotten her anyway. Then they'd sit back, watch the parade or something while sipping hot cocoa and hot cocoa mixed with something way stronger. It'd be nice; it'd be peaceful. It'd be one of the first Christmases he could remember being happy, instead of on contract to someone or alone or strapped down to a table for all the wrong reasons.

_Yes, sir,_ he thought as Logan made a swipe that was entirely too close to the belt. _This was a merry Christmas indeed!_

* * *

**A/N: Merry Christmas!**

**Oh, I've heard that Deadpool attracts ninjas. Something to do with killing his sensei or something…I don't really know.**

**Also Logan's rant came from the movie 'The Ref'.**


	15. When She Was Six

When she was Six** I felt like doing drabbles…**

* * *

"Daddy?"

He didn't respond but she knew he heard her. He always did.

"Can I get makeup?"

He glanced down at the little girl hanging on to his hand. She was looking up at him with that hopeful, little smile and those big grey eyes.

"No."

"How come?" she pouted.

"You're s_ix,_ Anna. Ya don't need makeup."

She sighed and walked with him quietly for a while.

"Is it 'cause I'm pretty already?"

"Yep."

Whatever ended this conversation.

He looked back at her again. She was staring up at him with those eyes again.

"Really?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it."

She smiled at him, not at all like that Cheshire smile. It was more serene, sweet even.

"Daddy?"

"I think you're pretty too."

That was the first time she made him laugh out loud.

…

**

* * *

**

She was on her knees in the booth. She hadn't eaten all of her food so she couldn't have any sweets. Maybe she could get some of his treats.

"Can I have some?"

"This?"

He held up the mug.

She nodded.

Keeping a straight face, he pushed the mug to her. She leaned over the dark liquid, peering at it.

"Is it good?"

"Do you want it or not, darlin'?"

"I do."

She used both of her little hands to grip the mug. Holding it just before her lips, she sniffed at it. She peeked over at Logan who was pulling out his wallet.

Well, he wouldn't drink it if it was nasty, right?

She took a big gulp of it in her mouth. Her eyes widened incredibly large and spit the foul liquid back into the mug. She shuddered violently and made over-exaggerated gagging noises.

"Ew, ew, ew, ew! Why do you drink that? It's gross!"

He arched a brow and looked into the back-washed mug. He placed her picked-over food in front of her. She just then noticed he'd moved her juice out of reach.

"You'll get the taste out if you eat your food."

He'd never thought anyone that young could scowl so darkly.

…

**

* * *

**

He looked at his daughter, cowering at the top of the slide. Then down to the mutt sitting at the base of it.

"Are you serious?"

"He's scary! Make him leave!"

"I'm not gonna let the dog get you."

"Promise?"

"Yeah."

"You have to promise!"

Big sigh.

"I promise."

With one eye on the dog, she climbed down the ladder at the back. Even when her feet hit the ground, the dog didn't move.

"Leave her alone and let's go."

He didn't realize that he'd just said the _other_ magic word.

"She's a girl? Can we keep her please?"

…

A/N: Drabbles are 100 words so I use the word loosely for lack of a better one.


	16. Such an Inquisitive Child

I found the source of these on someone's profile page and did this.

Reasons Not to Mess with Kids

Reason 1:

Anna was an intelligent child. She constantly questioned everything. Her curiosity annoyed her father who previously was more accustomed to silence. Absolute, utter, non-talking silence. That changed the day he took his daughter in.

She learned that her father appreciated quiet and would sometimes –though not often – would try to stay quiet for his sake. Then Wade showed up, and all hopes of quiet Logan still harbored were pumped full of lead, sliced into fine pieces, and blown to bits.

Wade talked. And talked and talked. Took a breath and talked some more. It didn't even have to be intelligent conversation. Nearly everything that came into his mind came poured out of his mouth. Because of this influence in young Anna's life, she was more inclined to ask her questions.

"Why is the sky blue?"

"How come I don't have a granny?"

"Where do babies come from?"

"Can I have a little brother?"

"How come knives don't come out of my hands too?"

This is why Logan _loved _school. Let the teachers deal with the eight-year old's questions.

"How big was the whale that swallowed Jonah?"

Miss Bear laughed a little and said,

"It's not really possible for a whale to swallow a human. Even though they're very big, their throats are small."

"But the whale swallowed Jonah," Anna argued.

"No," she replied, growing irritated. "It didn't. I told you it's impossible."

"When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah," she declared confidently, her tone indicating that she didn't think Miss Bear knew the answer anyway.

"What if Jonah went to Hell?"

Anna looked her teacher right in the eye and said,

"Then you ask him."

Reason 2:

For the duration of this period, the students were being given time to draw. Mrs. Dawsom walked around the classroom, observing her students. Occasionally, she asked about or praised the child's work.

Little Miss Howlett was diligently bent over her drawing.

"And what are you drawing?" Mrs. Dawsom asked.

"I'm drawin' God."

"Honey, no one knows what God looks like."

Without looking up or missing a beat, Anna replied,

"Y'all will in a minute."

Reason 3:

Anna's teacher was talking about the Ten Commandments with her class. After explaining the commandments to 'honor thy mother and father', she asked,

"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

One of Anna's friends, Terrel, who happened to be the oldest, answered,

"Thou shall not kill."

Anna giggled.

Reason 4:

The class had taken a group picture and separately. She was trying to convince the children to persuade their parents to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think. When you're all grown up, you can look at them and say, 'There's Anna, she's a lawyer,' or 'There's Terrel, he's a doctor."

The two children in the back of the class rolled their eyes. From the back, the teacher heard,

"And there's the teacher, she's dead."

Although Logan doesn't have to listen to every single one of Anna's questions, he now has a lot of calls from her teachers.


	17. The Play by Play

A/N: Remember way back when I said I was making a play by play for the 'Break Up'? Here it is. Also, remember back in ch 12 when I said the thing about the shout out that I kept forgetting to do?

**OiToTheWorld**

**Joy Fahey (close enough)**

**Ele**

**A Lake Elohcin**

**Anna Marcia Gregorio**

I think that's everyone

Moving on!

* * *

Logan went about the garage packing up the necessary tools into a bag and loading it into the bed of the truck. When he was done, he leaned on his truck in the garage, tugging on the black, leather glove on his left hand as he waited for Wade. The side door slammed open against the wall, and Logan glanced up at Wade's entrance.

Deadpool was decked out fully in his red and black suit, three knives strapped to each leg, katana on his back, the pouches on his belt bulged out, two handguns were on his hips, and his arms were full of weapons.

"A little help here," he said as he tried to kick the door shut.

Something small and round fell out of his arms and rolled on the ground towards Logan. He crouched down to examine it and arched a bushy brow when he recognized that it was a hand grenade.

"Why do…Go put that back," Logan told him, straightening up.

"What? Why?"

"Seriously? Look, either put it back or don't come at all."

"Aawww…" Deadpool scuffed his boot against the ground and turned to the door, "Even when I get to have fun, I don't get to have fun."

**

* * *

**A dark colored truck parked far up the street went unnoticed in the line of cars on the curb of the suburban homes. The two men in the truck were situated for a long wait as they stared at a house up the street. The lights in the front window had gone off but two, one on the left, the other on the right, upstairs still shone. They knew already knew that the one on the left was where their target was.

While they waited for the light on the right to go out, Deadpool beat out a rhythm on the dash board in front of him and sang.

'One way or another, we're gonna find ya. We're gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha! One way or another, we-"

"I swear I will drag your butt outta this truck and I will start beating you if you don't shut up. I don't know when I'll stop," Wolverine said this very calmly, the kind of calm that just makes a man's skin crawl off.

"But I'm bored! We could get him now. Go past his parents and if they try and get in the way, knock them out. I know how to do that without killing them, you know."

"I'm so proud," Wolverine rolled his eyes. "We're not movin' 'til that light goes off."

"Can't bring my best toys, had to put the chainsaw back, can't take out the parents, and I can't provide mood music. You take the fun out of everything."

"I still don't get why you need a chainsaw. You have swords."

"Well, yeah, but it was for effect. I had a hockey mask and everything."

**

* * *

**The back door that led to the kitchen was silently pushed open. Deadpool straightened up and put his little pick-lock case away.

"I could have just used a credit card for that. They don't even have a deadbolt. But…I don't have a credit card."

Wolverine stalked past him sniffing the air. He silently led the way through the kitchen and up the stairs to their target's room. Outside the door, he paused to signal for Deadpool to wait and listened for any footsteps from the opposite end of the house. Hearing nothing, he opened the door.

The target had his back to them, a joystick in hand and eyes glued on the characters on the TV. Apparently, he was the bald guy in the black suit. The guy sneaked up behind some man sitting at his desk through a window. Desk Man was then strangled with a wire.

"I'll go to bed in a minute, Mom," Tracy told the person behind him, not bothering to turn around.

"Nope. Sorry, Junior. Lights out."

Tracy jerked around to see a gun barrel inches from his skull. He opened his mouth to scream but no sound came out.

"Bang."

**

* * *

**With pathetic ease, they tied up Tracy, and Deadpool gagged him with a long strip of duct tape. They found the keys to his car, but there was a slight hitch getting him outside.

"For the last time, ya cannot drop him out the window. Stop whimpering, brat."

Wolverine swatted the load over Deadpool's shoulder where his head would be. It stopped.

"I'm telling ya, he won't die. Since when are you _this _squeamish?"

"I ain't, boy. But if you drop him, you'll break bones, he'll go into shock, and we miss out. Think for once."

"I guess you have a point. Six, actually. Fine, we'll use the old, boring stairs. Hey, can I drop him down the stairs?"

After a short debate over the pros and cons of that, they made it outside, and Deadpool dumped Tracy in the trunk of his Mustang. He grinned behind his mask at the terrified, wide eyes.

"All right. This will go a lot easier if you don't try and do what they show you on TV with the tail lights. Have you seen those shows?"

Deadpool stared at him and the grin slowly slid from his face at Puke's unresponsiveness.

"You know," he un-holstered his gun and pulled a silencer out of one of his many pockets. "it's rude not to respond when someone asks you a question," he expertly spun the silencer onto the barrel. and Tracy watched in horror. "A nod or shake of the head would do. So let's try again. Have you seen the shows?"

When the gun barrel was aimed at his head, Tracy responded much better with vigorous nodding and grunts.

"Good. So you know that when you knock out the tail lights, you can fit your hand through there and wave down a cop, theoretically, yea or nay?"

More grunts and nods.

"Educational TV is great, right? But here's the thing," he raised his knee and rested it on the bumper and placed the arm holding the gun against the trunk lid with the gun still angled at Tracy. "You're not gonna do that 'cause if you do, we'll have to kill the cop or cops or whoever decides to play Good Samaritan, and throw the body or bodies or body parts in the trunk with you. Savvy?"

Heavy breaths came in quick short gasps. Green eyes stared wide at him before rolling to the back of their skull.

"Puke? You okay? Is he asthmatic?"

"Probably a panic attack. Are you done yet?" Wolverine asked, amusement clear in his gruff voice. He'd been leaning on the side of the car where he'd watched the whole show. "I'd like to get this done some time tonight."

"Sure, sure. You gotta milk these moments though, you know? 'Cause you never get 'em back. They're precious memories that will only happen once and we have to cherish them."

He stared at him blankly for a moment before he walked off down the street to his truck. Deadpool shrugged and slammed the trunk before going around to the driver's side, climbing in and driving away.

Since he was in control of the radio this time, he intended to use it. With one hand on the wheel, Deadpool scanned through the stations, searching for an appropriate song.

'I'm gonna drive it like I stole, drive it like I stole it!'

**

* * *

**

"Okay, that was even easier than breaking into the house," Deadpool declared as they walked through the doors of the gym, headed for the locker rooms.

"All that tax money we pay and you'd think they'd be able to afford better locks. I am outraged! Outraged, I say! The senator, legislator…councilman/woman, whatever person will be hearing from me!"

"You don't pay taxes."

Wolverine followed him, dragging their unconscious captive behind him by his foot.

"Oh, yeah, I don't. But see, this is why. I'll probably give them a call anyway. You know, have a chat, make some threats, do a little blackmail."

"Do not call them from my phone."

"No problem. I found his phone in the car."

**

* * *

**Tracy came to on the cold floor of the girls' locker room. For a moment, one terrorless moment, he thought it was over. He thought he was safe.

"We're gonna lynch ya," Wade said in a sing-song voice.

He thought so very wrong. A rough hand came to his face and ripped the duct tape off. Naturally, he screamed like a little girl. The echoes rang throughout the room, and the boy kept a constant scream coming. Deadpool ignored him, examining the fine hairs of what were probably the beginnings of a mustache.

"Gimme the rope," Wolverine ordered, staring down at the boy in a fetal position.

"MOMMY!"

"No, I wanna do it," Deadpool argued.

"You don't know how to tie it."

"Yes-huh! I wanna do it, please!"

"You are a whining, pathetic, brat of a man."

"So that's a yes?"

"Fine."

"Yay!"

"Please don't kill me!" Tracy cried.

"Shaddup, punk!" they both yelled.

He shriveled into a silently sniveling mess.*

**

* * *

**

"So it's under the hole, through the loop, follow the bunny up the tree, and voila! We got hog-tied punk!"

Deadpool stood back to admire his handiwork. Tracy was re-gagged on his belly. His arms were pulled back and bound at the wrists. A rope from that was tied around both ankles, knees bent so that his feet could touch his hands.

"Not bad," Wolverine noted. "One thing though."

He stooped down to the squirming worm and secured a sign around his neck. It read:

'Don't feed the dog.'

Deadpool shot him a considering look.

"Dude…nice touch. I mean, really classy."

Wolverine smirked, brushing off his hands with a job well done. He stood up and headed for the door.

"Let's get out of here."

"Wait, we're not done, are we? 'Cause I kinda thought surrounding him with raw meat and making a stop at the animal shelter for a couple dozen mutts, maybe a pit bull or two, would be an even better touch. It'd go really well with the sign."

Wolverine's look was someone between forced fondness and debilitating exasperation.

"We'll do that next time."

"Oh, good call. I shouldn't use up all my plans on one punk. I'll save it for later," he said, face cracking into mad grin.

Impulsively, Deadpool threw his arm around the shorter man's shoulder in the spirit of camaraderie. After a pause of two seconds, Wolverine growled,

"Stop touching me."

He immediately removed his arm.

"Sorry. I was in the whole 'bonding' moment... Hey, I'm hungry. Terror-raising always does that for me. Let's get waffles!"

"Why not?"

"Oh, yeah! Terrorizing a pubescent boy and gorging on waffles all in one night! I'm livin' the good life."

"If you say so."

"You know you're happy. You know you love this. Admit it. Go on, say it."

He didn't say anything.

"It's okay. You can say it later, just to yourself. Then you can tell me. Don't worry, I'll remind you."

* * *

A/N: * I like that phrase, 'shriveled into a silently sniveling mess.'

There's this show called 'the Cape'. On the show, there's this guy called Gregor. Gregor killed four guys by cutting their throats…with playing cards. They didn't explode, but I thought Gambit.


	18. Use Somebody

A purple blur ran around the two-bedroom loft in uptown New York City. A shrieking, hysterical laugh flew from the little whirlwind, even as she tripped over her own feet onto the floor. The blur, who was actually an eight-year old Anna Howlett, rolled on the hardwood floor, gasping for air, and a smile splitting her face.

Logan stared down at his child in disbelief. There was just no way. He wouldn't. The man should know better.

Then he thought just who he was talking about here.

"WAAADE!" Logan bellowed.

Anna's attention snapped to her father, who was still standing near the door and debating whether he wanted to be here or not.

"Daddy's home!" she bounced off the floor and to him, singing, "Daddy's home, Dad's home, home, home, he's home, I'm home!"

As she sang, she latched onto his arm, dragging him in and destroying all hopes of escape. Yes, her joy and excitement over him being home did slightly warm his heart. Yes, it was kind of cute. It was nice having someone who cared if he came home. But she was _so_ incredibly loud, and you can't turn super hearing off.

When he arrived, Logan wasn't sure, but suddenly Wade was jumping up and down around him, singing with Anna.

"Jimmy's home! Jim-Jim's home! The homey's home. Ji - iiigh!"

Wade's singing was abruptly cut off by a beefy hand around his throat. His face was brought down level to Logan.

"Did you give her sugar?"

Wade made a strangled noise and pointed at his throat. The pressure lessened minutely but just enough.

"A bit," Wade's voice came out in a falsetto.

"Ooh, Uncle Wade, you sing good!"Anna noted, now dancing away from them in an odd, swaying motion.

The men both stared at her 'dance' in a morbidly curious way.

"Wow, your kid's, like, psycho."

"I don't want to know why you would do something so _stupid_, but I'm tellin' ya I ain't dealin' with it. Get her out of here. Take her to a park or something 'til _that_ wears off and keep an eye on her."

**

* * *

**

Wade was a closet evil genius. He'd once thwarted an organization's attempt to overthrow two major, world armies and take over as their commanding officer. Essentially, he'd been boss of the largest army ever. But then there was this really sparkly…thingy he'd been distracted by. After that and hearing something that strangely sounded like a sledge-hammer hitting cranial matter, his world went black. When he next woke up, World War II was over, and no one spoke Wade-ese anymore so that was pretty much blown.

He was mostly okay with that because he probably would have ended up being an insane, tyrannical, impulsive ruler who stabbed people at random times and accidentally on purpose blew up the planet then the only people left would have been him, Jimmy, maybe Mystique – because really, it was _her _–, and Vicky. Maybe a few other random guys, but the word there was _guys_. As in no chicks, aside from Mystique and even if her and Jimmy were having problems, Wade wouldn't even _want _to go there. He would say just shoot him, but that didn't really work. So he got over it.

Point is, his grey matter functioned just fine...aside from the voices and occasional hallucinations and flashbacks. Meaning, he could think, plan, and plot fairly well. Jimmy, despite himself, was a sensitive soul. If let to his own devices, he'd go to a forest, cut down some trees with his bare claws, and live there for a hundred years. A real nature-boy, he'd even enjoy it, probably. In Wade's personal opinion, Anna's hyper-activity affected her like a man who's gone on his first, drunken binge. Meaning, much as he loved his daughter, Jimmy did not like dealing with her when she got like this.

In past experiences when Jimmy was working – for obvious reasons, Wade did not have a nine to five -, and he and Anna had been out and about, he'd noticed something. Now, he wasn't an ugly guy – not in this lifetime anyway. No disfiguring scars _all over his body_. He could get a chick, but sometimes, his awesomeness overwhelmed them. Being so incredible just intimidated the poor things, and admittedly, he came on a little strong. But then Anna, cute, little, sweet child, changed all that with her…cuteness.

No, he felt no remorse nor did he feel at all wrong about using his niece to get chicks. He knew for a fact…this was Genius.

At first, he'd been shocked at how easy it'd been. They were all just running around, like free-range chickens! It was like magic, really. He'd just scope out a nice, decent looking park bench near the play gym. One requirement: hot chicks.

East Central Park usually served his purposes nicely.

"All right, Blue, how 'bout ya let me handle this from here on out?"

Whatever…if you insist.

"I do. I really do."

So here's me and the kid, right? Walking through the lovely – _didn't I tell you I had this? I don't use words like 'lovely' so _stop_ messin' with my active vocab_. Anyway, we're headed to the little play gym where they usually congregate like ants on honey. 'They' being the honeys. Ya know what I'm sayin'?

Anna's all happy and excited, and it's adorable. Even with that sugar-induced glaze over her eyes. Actually, _because_ of the sugar. That was part of the plan, giving her sugar. Her pure, unadulterated cuteness, I've learned, is heightened and attracts them to look at her delightful hyperactivity and me by way of being there.

So skip, skip, skip, we're at the swings. It's not that Anna can swing herself; it's that I have to be seen with Anna in order to establish that I'm not some random creeper guy hanging around a bunch of pre-adolescent kids.

…

…

…

I will not make that joke. I won't I won't I won't.

'Kay, the urge is gone.

All that's left to do is waaai – hello, there.

Picture this if you can. Five feet nine inches of blond, blue-eyed hotness. Did I mention blond? I like blondes. I like yellow. Just because I run around in a skin-tight red and black suit doesn't mean I don't like other colors. Like, what's another color? Blue, like that girl's eyes. Hold up…she's wearing Capri pants…scratch that one off.

I have a thing against Capri pants. I mean, what are they? Are they pants or are they shorts? I do not wish to be forced to look at your calves if I can't see the whole thing. It's a pet peeve of mine. But I'm not picky.

"Push me higher!"

"Yeah, sure kid."

I'm not really paying her much attention, but I'm making it look like she's the center of my attention. You know, so they don't see me checking them out. Another reason why I love 'my' Costas. Did you catch that? The 'my'?…tough crowd.

Blond, bleach blond, ick. It's not that I have anything against chemically altering oneself. I'd have to be against my entire existence seeing as my very DNA has been screwed over so much. Rather painfully, I might add. With electrical things and sharp pointy ones and this long curved thing. Seriously, did no one tell those people about anesthesia? But I digress…that's the word, right? Digress? Eh, I don't care. No, my problem is I can see three inches of black hair at the roots. Put a bit more effort into the deception. Invest in the lie, ladies. Make me believe in it. That's all I'm asking for.

…What the heck was I doing?

"Whoo!"

Anna jumped off the swing. Like at the highest point of the arc. Problem: at that height and speed, she's gonna break her leg. Or some other part of her.

I might have cursed something that rhymes with rubber-truck – or I might have just said that, I don't know – as I'm lunging through the air to catch her. With skills I'd almost forgotten about, I jump through the swing ropes, snatch the kid out of the air, flip, and land on my feet in a crouch.

"Crap, Anna!"

I might have said something stronger than crap.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? You're not hurt, right? 'Cause if you are, I'm really gonna freak out and Uncle Wade freaking out is a _bad_ thing for everyone else an – "

What the funnoli? Is this crazy, little monkey _laughing_? Why yes, yes, she is. I don't think she can breathe actually. But hey, laughter means there are no wounds which is a huge relief to me. And yeah, I guess me - I mean, it's _me_ – freaking out like that's kinda funny. At least she's not crying.

"Hi."

I did not snap my head around like some paranoid freak. Calmly, coolly, Cruise-y…maybe not the best choice, but back in the day, that guy was all right; he's pretty creepy now. So I turn to her. Frankly, if I might say so, she is _foine._ Yeah, I know no one says that anymore, but I just did. Problem? Too bad!

"Hey," I say back to the red-haired hottie, flashing her 'I'm-a-nice-considerate-guy-but-still-got-an-edge-so-you-know-you-want-this' smile.

"Is she okay?"

Brown eyes. Full lips. Nice b – wait, what's this rated?

T, but you know kids read this stuff.

Okay…she's a very nice looking lady with very nice lady things.

Uhm. I guess that's okay.

"Oh, yeah. We're good. Right, Sunshine?"

"Is that your dog?"

What dog? Oh...that thing. That huge, slobbering German shepherd hanging off a chain. I hate German shepherds. They have very sharp teeth, and they're deceptive. One minute calm like they don't mind you, the next you're beating the suckers off with some guy's arm. Probably their master's, but whatever.

"Yeah, he is, Sweetie. You wanna pet him?"

Instead of a word, Anna squealed and practically jumped the thing. She started cooing and fussing over it, and it seemed like it was tame. Anna was loving the thing. I'd let the mutt live. For now.

"Your daughter's adorable," the pretty, _pretty _lady said.

"Oh, I'm not her dad. I'm her uncle. Do I look that old?" I ask, knowing I don't, but for conversation's sake.

"Uncle Wade says he's a lot older than he looks," Anna piped up.

She was hugging that mutt now. She was going to be covered in dog hair later. Gross.

"My name's Anna, and that's Uncle Wade. What's your name and the puppy's? How come ya didn't get a girl?"

"You're so cute! My name's Britt, and this is Rosco. It's nice to meet the both of you."

With that said, Britt sat herself down across from me, a hand still on the leash of that monstrosity. I wonder how attached she is to that thing. I wonder if she'd be devastated if it suddenly died of unknown causes. I wonder if she'll need a strong, supportive shoulder to cry on. In case you didn't know, I have very strong, supportive shoulders.

But anyway, her guard's down so I'm pretty much free to mold myself into some bad boy with a soft underbelly that all the girls go for. Not that I have much work to do. I mean, it don't get much badder than mercenary or softer than playing in a park with a little girl. I _got _this!

'_Hey, Blue. Get this thing over. I have mack to play, and it doesn't actually fit into your little T rating.'_

By the end of it, Wade miraculously got Britt's number and a promise for him to call her.

'_Miracle? That's skill. Get your words straight, author-chick.'_

Blame Kazoo.

'_No way am I getting in a fight with a blue, talking, dancing fox. There are some things even I won't do.'_

…I shouldn't talk to you during these things. I have no idea what to say now.

'_**Obviously, we get the girl.**__'_

'_Not we, _I._ You're just one of the voices in my head that sometimes gives unwanted, yet helpful advice.'_

Yeah. Almost like common sense.

This has degenerated so much.

'_Who are you calling a degenerate? I will have you know that I am a _re_generate! Get your facts straight.'_

I didn't mean – nevermind.

* * *

A/N: I love the Mentalist. Simon Baker as Patrick Jane…lovely. Even though he's a total sociopath. But he's a very pretty, charming one.

Sorry about the ending. I've been messing with this one for months but get the same block up at the end.


	19. Billionaires and Dolls, part 7

**Joy Fahey, Ele, A Lake Elohcin, Anna Marcia Gregorio,** all got the whisk reference. It was indeed Billboard Dad…when I said 'next' chapter, I used the term loosely…as I forgot.

**AmuletSpade:** I like you. You're silly.

Do I know how to neglect a story or what?

* * *

Tony was mildly concerned. No way was that kind of reaction normal. Of course, if he wanted normal, that was unfortunate. Very soon, he'd find himself in a much more bizarre situation.

They'd gotten ice cream as planned. Anna ate hers. In order to disprove her small-minded theory, he let her have some of his. Then he let her have three more scoops of chocolate mint and neopolitan. No harm, right?

On the way home, Anna wouldn't stop wiggling in her seat the entire time. Neither would she _shut up._ She talked. About everything. The sky's really blue. Why are clouds white? The leather was shiny and slippery – that had led to a fight to get her to put her seat belt on and stop sliding onto the floor; he had a big nose – a brief name-calling argument had followed. Anna won by default. There are just some things one shouldn't say to kids; and apparently, his beard made him look like the big, bad wolf. At one point, he'd gotten so annoyed he seriously contemplated kicking her out of the car.

Then he reminded himself that he volunteered for this, and it was his idea to give her ice cream even after Logan had warned him. And she was eight. Morally, it was also wrong. There was probably some other reason, but he felt a headache coming on and couldn't focus on what it could be.

As he shut the door of his home, Anna was spinning in a circle around the room. Tony turned around, and his legs were immediately tackled by the curly-headed Howlett, and he threw his hands up with a startled yell as he fell back and hit the door. With a grunt and a smarting back, he looked down at the girl with a death-grip on his right leg.

Her silver eyes were bright, her smile was wide, and there was some dried ice cream on her upper lip. Frowning a little, he absently thought he'd gotten all of that off. And he would have too, if she hadn't tried to bite him.

"Hi," she said.

"…Hey. Get off."

"'Kay!"

She launched herself away from him and to the hall. Tony warily followed her with the sense that if the kid ever needed supervision, now was it. No sooner had he stepped foot in the hall, than Anna was running past him back into the living room. She zoomed around the room, jumped on then over the couch, crawled under the coffee table, then back out before he even blinked.

And now he was scared. Because that just was not normal. But then, both of her parents were mutants. She wasn't though, right? Logan would have told him if the kid was, right? But _that_ hadn't been normal.

"Anna?" he called out.

Her head popped around the far corner. "Knock-knock!"

Tony introduced his palm to his face. He pushed his fingers through his hair and hoped whatever was wrong with her was temporary.

"Who's there?" he sighed.

Anna grinned incredibly wide and giggled.

"Wendy."

"Wendy who?"

"Wendy wind blows the cradle will rock. Get it?"

"Yeah, I get it."

Her stark amusement and joy suddenly morphed to a more serious expression.

"Why was there a baby in a tree?"

"What?"

"'Cause! Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop! Why's the baby in the top of the tree?"

Because she wouldn't stop talking, Tony thought.

Fortunately, Tony didn't have time to come up a better answer before Anna lost interest and took off again. He found her behavior odd. She wasn't nearly as energetic or insane before. Was this normal?

Tony pulled out his phone out of his jacket pocket, and then tossed the jacket and his tie onto the couch. At first, his fingers flew over the familiar number of one Pepper Potts. Before he hit 'Send', he paused. The…conversation he'd had with her earlier ran through his mind, reminding him she was upset with him. Calling her right now, he'd probably just end up with the 'Professional Treatment' and a load of 'Mr. Stark's thrown in there. He hated when she distanced herself like that. He hated when he made her mad enough to do that.

Pressing the 'End' button, he decided on Plan B. Along with the ring signal, he could hear Anna a distance off singing, "I've got a lovely bunch a' coconuts!" Tony walked towards the kitchen and the moment he opened the fridge, his friend picked up.

"Rhodey."

"What's up?"

"Do me a favor. I ne-"

"No."

He grabbed a bottle of water, frowning at the interruption and the negative answer.

"Wait. What? You didn't even let me finish."

"Because the last time you said 'Do me a favor', I ended up in Vegas, handcuffed to a lady with a pink, feather boa who only spoke Russian, and nearly got deported."

While Rhodey ranted, he'd drained half the bottle and set it on the island in the center of the kitchen. He hopped onto the surface to argue the point.

"Well, if you remember all that, you should remember I _told_ you to run. And there was no lady with a pink boa who spoke Russian. The boa was purple, and she spoke German."

"You didn't say run."

"Yes, I did."

"That isn't what you said, Tony!"

Anna rushed into the kitchen and clutched his pant leg.

"I'm thirsty!" she cried desperately.

"Then get something."

"Can I have root beer?"

"Yeah, sure," he waved her away. She skipped off, and Tony said to Rhodey, "You know you had fun."

"I got strip-searched, Tony."

"How is _that_ not fun?"

"I'm going to hang up on you."

"Wait, wait! _Don't _do me a favor. Just answer a question."

"Fine."

"Can kids get high off of ice cream?"

There was a long pause. Tony took the phone away from his ear and looked at it. Nope, he hadn't hung up. Anna slurped her soda loudly. Then she burped even louder, and he blinked in surprise. At least she said "Excuse me." Who taught her manners anyway? He'd certainly never seen Logan be polite to anyone.

"Hello?" he said into the phone.

"You gave her ice cream?" Rhodey finally replied.

"Yeah."

"How much?"

"Not…a lot."

"You have got to be the stupidest genius ever."

"Okay. Can you tell me why?"

"You realize ice cream or sugar period is to kids what tequila is to you?"

"Oh."

That explained _so _much. Really.

"You honestly didn't know that?"

"Why would I know that? How often have I actually been around a kid for more than, like, fifteen minutes?"

"You're a moron."

Anna ran past him to the left, when he had been pretty sure she was already over there, and upstairs.

"At the moment…I can't entirely disagree with that. How long will she be like this?"

"Couple of hours maybe. She's gonna have to run all that energy off and then she'll fall over somewhere and sleep even longer. Just stop giving her sugar."

Tony's mind replayed Anna burping and then shooting around his house like a rocket afterwards. He might have a problem.

"'Kay, thanks, bye." Tony ended the call, slipping the phone into his pocket

"Anna!" Tony called out.

"What?"

Her voice came from upstairs, and Tony followed. He passed several open bedrooms, all of which the beds looked a little rumpled. He came to the fifth, blue room and wondered why he had so many bedrooms. Inside, he found Anna jumping on the king-size bed.

"Hi!" she chirped. "Wanna play jumping with me?"

"Um..." he said.

And when he said it, he thought. In her current state of sugar drunkenness, he couldn't leave her alone. Doing any sort of office work was out because she wouldn't stay in the same room, it seemed, for more than a few minutes, and if she did, she wouldn't shut up. He wasn't even going to entertain the idea of taking her down to his lab with him. Anna anywhere near a blowtorch screamed bad idea to him. Basically, he wasn't about to have any time to himself for a while, which is precisely what a person agrees to when they agree to babysit.

He thought all of this in the space of that 'Um', and in the next instant, came to a conclusion with an,

"Okay."

And that was how the CEO of the multi-billion dollar company of Stark Industries ended up spending a good portion of his afternoon jumping on one of his several beds in his multi-million dollar beach home.


	20. The Idaho Indisposition, part 1

I think someone once said something about this scenario happening, but I can't remember who and no way am I about to look through the reviews (which by the by, thanks for those y'all:) so to whoever you are, thank you.

For Creed, think more Wolverine: Origins version.

Edit: 8/19/2011

Since potatoes are too short to actually hide a chihauha in, let alone Wade and Anna, it's now all been changed to corn. Because the state _can _grown

* * *

"I hate Idaho," Wade declared.

"You hate Idaho?" Anna asked.

"Is what I said, Sunshine, and it ain't gonna change."

"What's so bad about Idaho?"

"Do you want the alphabetical, numerical, or random list?"

"Do the both of you want to stop talkin'?" Logan more said than asked.

"Well, golly, Daddy Logan, what the heck else are supposed to do? Count the corn stalks?" Wade sulked in the back seat of the truck next to Anna.

The noon day sun shone downs on rows and rows and rows of corn and other vegetables Wade couldn't identify unless they were fried zoomed past. Far as the eye could see, the green harvest swayed like a verdant ocean, blown more by their rapid passing than a wind. Brown and tall electrical poles blurred past the window ever faster and faster.

"Dude, you're totally speeding."

"Shut up."

"But Daddy, we're bored," his daughter whined.

At thirteen, she was too old to be whining, but it wasn't often that she did. Her father was _so _grateful for that. He'd have no choice but to love her anyway, but he really could not stand brats. Somehow, Anna had managed to avoid that, maybe by something he'd done. The heck if he knew what. It never occurred to him to give a crumb of credit to the girl's mother. He rather preferred not thinking of the woman at all.

"And just what do you want me to do, darlin'? Pull over and start juggling?"

Anna giggled at the thought. Logan couldn't juggle to save his life.

"Please don't," Wade said. "Because if you do, I'll be forced to drive the truck once the Jeepers Creepers bat monster pops out of the corn and steals your head, then we'll be stopped by some random, hick cop who will also be killed – probably by me when I resist arrest – then we'll get stuck here when the truck explodes or pops a tire and have to kill the monster too."

Anna poked him in the side, and he squirmed away.

"I thought you said that movie didn't scare you, Uncle Wade."

"It didn't. It just gave me another reason to not like Idaho, aside from all of the tickets I didn't pay here. They put out warrants for your arrest when you don't pay those, but I'd have to be here in order to do that, and the entire reason I was speeding was so I could get the heck out of here as quickly as Ford Mustang-ly possible."

When Wade had started to ramble, Logan quickly tuned him out by focusing on music coming from the radio. He paid very little attention to the words, letting the melody and guitar-plucking drown out the madman that he just couldn't get rid of. And he'd _tried_ several times, planning to use the tried and true explanation of 'He wandered away' to Anna, but he _kept coming back_. Like cancer or something.

The long trips, when he was trapped in the same vehicle for _hours_ unable to get away, were always the worst. While Anna didn't mind, even seemed to _like_ all the chatter, it was all he could do not to rip the man's tongue out.

He wouldn't even be headed to California now if it weren't for Anna. She wanted to visit Tony and Pepper over the summer, and he really couldn't deny her much of anything.

"You like Florida though, right?"

"It's okay. Paraguay's more my speed though, mainly 'cause I like saying it."

"But you liked Disney."

"It's not the places, honey, so much as the people. Unless the times when it's the people rather than the places…Look, it just varies, okay? Take my word for it. Idaho sucks. It doesn't have places or people."

Logan looked in his rearview as Wade brought his bottle of orange soda to his mouth. He didn't bother telling the man that the nearest gas station – and bathroom – wasn't for _miles_. If he had to go – which he would. The man had the bladder of a two year old at most inconvenient times – he'd have to suck it up and go into the stalks of corn he hated so much.

The radio switched suddenly to static, and everything happened very quickly after that.

The road curved up ahead, and the stalks of vegetables served to hide the man standing in the middle of the road as the truck barreled at him, upwards of seventy miles an hour.

And just when Anna said, "Well, maybe you should give it a chance," Logan was slamming on the vehicle's breaks, causing Anna and Wade to lurch forward. Her seatbelt caught her securely, but Wade hadn't been wearing his and slammed into the seat in front of him. As the truck screeched and continued forward at a speed that would easily kill the man, the racket stopped as the man suddenly raised his hands into the air, as well as the truck at least ten feet.

The engine died as the truck tilted, turning vertically in the air, pointing towards the ground, and a strange, white current could be seen through the glass, running across the truck, a low hum coming from it. Armed men in black with armor with stylized X's across the front came out of the fields they'd been hiding in. As a unit, they pointed assault rifles at the truck, dozens of red targeting beams dotting through the glass not only on Logan but Rogue and Wade as well.

One particularly hulking figure that stood head and shoulders above the rest strutted past them to stand next to the man who was levitating the truck. He bared his teeth and waved one massively clawed hand at them.

"Victor," Logan growled.

The blades in his hands edged out nearly involuntarily, and he suddenly wanted nothing more than to bury them in the other man's stomach. Blinding fury at the man's mere presence broke over him, but a quiet, whimpered, "Daddy?" brought him back.

"It'll be fine, Anna. I won't let them hurt you."

Victor gestured to the man who was holding up the truck, and he raised it higher.

"Son of a – Anna, hold on to your seat, honey, real tight."

"What are they –"

"Do it!"

Anna shakily turned in her seat, the belt still wrapped around her, and managed to grip the seat, even with gravity pulling her down towards the front. Wade had moved into a similar position, but with his back braced against the passenger seat and his feet on the window. He'd pulled pistols from nowhere and quickly checked the clips and chambers of each.

"I _told _you. Idaho sucks."

No sooner had the words left his mouth than the white current vanished from the truck, and it dropped.

* * *

Next time: Let me go or I'll lick you! - or something like that.


	21. The Idaho Indisposition, part 2

So Illinois is actually the corn place, and Idaho is potatoes. But who actually knows that offhand expect the people who live there? And they probably don't even know for sure!

...

They had been warned what to expect from Weapon X, codename: Wolverine. A regenerate mutant with an indestructible metal skeleton and three claws from each hand, and a fierce combatant. As ineffective as bullets could be against him, the Taser darts with which they were equipped were meant to keep him immobile.

When the Wolverine kicked open the door of the overturned truck, vaulted out and up onto the undercarriage, pausing only a moment to assess them, they shot after he lunged through the air for his first target. Each shot hit, and the Wolverine roared either in pain or rage. Whichever it was, it didn't stop him from tearing through his first and second men.

Nothing save adamantium bullets would really stop him, but the little shock toys, running upwards of a thousand volts, were all they had. So they kept firing. The Wolverine was already on his seventh man, steadily tearing his way toward Creed when the New Guy finally took a shot.

They couldn't help but wince, knowing that the 'Electric Man' could generate enough voltage to fry an elephant, as the little monster's body arched and lightning arced across those red-stained claws. The growl coming from him was _not _human, and they were suitably terrified even as he fell to the ground. Victor laughed as Weapon X spasmed, sauntering toward him with sadistic cheer that scared them even more than their targets.

Muscles still locked up, Weapon X could only snarl and scowl at the other mutant as he stared down at him.

"Hello, little brother."

"Go f-"

They had to fill in the blank of where Victor could go when the mutant viciously kicked Weapon X in the face then dropped the whole of his considerable weight and increased strength into a single knockout punch.

"Nice to see you too. You chumps know how to handle him. I want Baldy and thirteen of you with me."

"Sir?" a new recruit spoke up. "Thirteen for two targets? Are they that dangerous, sir?"

Victor turned on him immediately and got right in his face. New Recruit _knew_ that he had fangs, he'd just never thought he'd _see _them this close up.

"If you _ever _question me again, I will rip out your eyeballs, and you will eat them. Move out now."

…

'Baldy', the 'Electric Man', Subject E19, Cole Macgrath. Whichever name he used, not one of them liked this. He glanced at the downed mutant as the remainder of the men kept their guns trained on him while they shackled him. Reluctantly following, he avoided looking at the new kid who'd spoken up.

He knew why thirteen. He'd seen it before, how Sabretooth would send men to their deaths as a distraction or just for fun. That kid was going to die; Sabretooth would make sure of it.

After watching Sabretooth find the scent, he put down the temptation to blast him and followed the giant pussy cat through the stupid field to find a little girl and a demented man with guns. He hated Idaho.

…

Anna knew that some bad people didn't like her father or uncle. She knew now that Logan had rescued Wade from them five years ago when he'd disappeared for ever a week. In the back of her mind, she knew there might be the possibility that they could come after her.

She also knew about mutants. Obviously, both of her parents were, as well as Uncle Wade and Aunt Irene. No doubt one day her powers would manifest as well. To be honest, she was hoping for flight. That was awesome _and _useful.

Right now, she was really, really hoping today would be the day she got those flight powers. If she did, then instead of running through this corn field with Wade just ahead of her, would be _flying _over this corn field with Wade, and she'd bet anything it wouldn't be nearly as tiring.

"Keep up, Sunshine! What's the point of being on track team if you can't use that experience to run through a field away from assassins?"

"Assassins?"

"Don't worry!" he called over his shoulder. "They would have to go through me and your dad first."

She'd never heard it before, but her father roaring in pain and lightning sparking behind her were two sounds that she immediately recognized. Before she realized that she had even turned around, Wade had snatched her up, and kept running with her in his arms bridal style.

"Let go!" Rogue yelled and struggled to get out of his arms, but that simply wasn't happening. "We gotta go back! They're hurting him!"

"Anna, stop it! Jimmy'll be fine, okay? I promise, we are all gonna make it out of this!"

She was hearing him but not listening. Anna still fought to get out of his arms, even now that the lightning and screaming had stopped. Because if her dad wasn't making any noise at all, wasn't that even worse?

"I need you to stop thinking about him now, and think about yourself. I need you to be able to run when I tell you to, nonstop and no looking back no matter what you hear."

"Don't leave me!"

"I won't, honey. You're gonna leave me. They're gonna be headed this way soon, and I'm gonna slow 'em down some."

"I'm scared."

"Good. _Be_ scared. Let it keep you running. But don't be stupid, don't be slow, and don't," he put her down, not breaking stride and practically dragging her until she got her bearings enough to keep up, "for an instant," Slid a gun into her hand and met her eyes briefly, "hesitate."

He stopped there, metal rang as he unsheathed his twin katana, and winked.

"Now get goin' and don't point that thing at yourself! I'll – _we _will see you later."

She didn't want to go. She didn't want this to be happening, and she did _not _want to be alone.

More than anything she _did _want to fly. Stupid, useless non-existent powers.

...

I start school again Friday, and already I'm procrastinating.

Weird thought…Toto = Wolverine, Wade=Scarecrow, Anna=Dorothy, Victor= the Lion, Cole=Tin Man. If only I had set this up in Kansas instead.


	22. Billionaires and Dolls, part 8

Many thanks to everyone who's read, reviewed, faved, alerted, and whatever else you could have done to support me and this story.

**oOo**

Tony was concerned again. Not so much for Anna anymore, but himself. He was concerned that he wasn't in very good shape. His mirror always showed that there wasn't an inch of flab on him, but this little girl was quite literally running circles around him. After growing tired of bouncing, she'd wanted to go outside. Briefly considering getting a leash for the girl, Tony decided that it would be difficult to lose her on the beach so there was no worry.

They'd walked – well, she'd skipped – down the private road from his house down to the beach. Although he gave her several repeated warnings not to get wet, Anna, upon touching the sand, took off like a shot for the water.

Tony hadn't been surprised.

At least she'd taken of the little jacket of her suit. The rest of her clothes were going to have to be dry-cleaned though. He'd stayed close enough to the water that it'd take little time to jump in and save her, and far enough away that she couldn't reach him when she kicked water at him.

Eventually, Anna became bored with the water and instead started looking for seashells and the like along the shoreline, flitting about like a hummingbird and giggling insanely. She moved too often to really find a lot of things, but Tony walked after her at a slower pace and picked up a few for her. Each time, she'd come over and look before dashing off to find more than him.

Her youthful joy and enthusiasm were exhausting, and he was considered immature beyond his years. Apparently, he was at least older than eight.

And now she was running circles around him as he sat in the middle of the trench she'd dug with her shoes.

If this was normal child behavior, there was no way he was having any of his own.

Anna went behind him and jumped on his back, wrapping her arms around his neck and _squeezing._

"Let's play somethin' else!" Anna demanded.

Tony gagged as he pried her arms from around his throat while she _giggled_.

"Okay," he coughed. "What do you wanna play?"

"I wanna play boxing in the big square thing!"

"You mean the ring?" he asked as he stood, hefting her more securely onto his back.

"No," she angled her head so she could frown at him, "it's a square. Not a circle."

"Yeah, but it's called a ring."

"That's stupid," Anna said, leaning back from him and kicking her heels into his spleen and liver. "Let's just play with it."

"No kicking! I'm not a horse."

"Mush!"

Despite the bruise he was sure she'd just given him, Tony laughed.

**oOo**

Once they made it to the house, Tony sent Anna to go dry off while he retrieved Anna's bags from where they'd been dropped in the living room since the previous day and took them up to her room. He found her on the floor, curled into the tiniest ball imaginable with the towel wrapped over her.

"Finally," he whispered.

Just as he was about to back out of the room, it occurred to him that this might not be like one of his drunken binges. Just because people usually left him where he passed out after he had too much of what he loved, it probably didn't apply to children.

He knelt down and poked her, and she squirmed away.

"Anna. Oh, Anna. Wake up, muffin. You can't sleep in wet clothes."

"'M tired," she argued.

"I know you are, but you'll get sick. You don't want that, do you?"

"G' away."

"Come on," he insistently peeled the firmly clutched towel off of her, "I'll run you a warm bath, and then you can put on your nice PJs, and I won't bother you anymore."

She rolled onto her belly and scooted halfway under the bed. Tony rolled his eyes.

"Anna. Anna. Anna…Anna Anna bo banna, banana fanna fo fanna, me my mo manna!"

"Ugh!"

For a little girl, she made quite a show of disgust as she squirmed out from under the bed, shot Tony the dirtiest look he'd seen since he accidentally set Rhodey up with a transvestite, then proceeded to stomp impressively into the bathroom.

Tony grinned.

He won.

Feeling completely smug and absolutely pleased with himself, Tony set her bags by the bathroom door.

"Your clothes are outside, honey."

Anna said something, and he thought have been 'screw you', but he decided to let that go. She was just a sore loser. Shrugging it off, he walked out of the blue room.

"J.A.R.V.I.S, I'm going down to the lab. If Anna needs anything, see that she gets it, but don't you dare unlock any of the outside doors for her. Field all of my calls and have a pizza delivered in two hours."

"Of course, sir. The usual?"

"Surprise me."

"Very well, sir."

As Tony walked down the corridor, he unbuttoned his sandy and damp shirt, intending to put on his greasiest, most abused pair of overalls. His lab/garage/place-where-things-blew-up room was not safe for his Armani shirts.

Yes, indeed. His lab/garage/place-where-things-blew-up room was a good place to be right now. Just him and his machines and his work. He could lose hours down there, concentrating on one project or another. The great thing about it was that it took too much of his attention to think about any thing else; he didn't really want to do that right now.

A few months ago, he'd have different methods for dealing with this same dilemma, but he was trying to change that. And if he didn't, he had no doubt Rhodey would kick his teeth down his throat for going back on his word, and Pepper would cheer him on.

He was so lucky to have such caring friends.

It was when he was halfway down the staircase and pulling off the red shirt that he glanced up and saw Pepper standing in front of the couch and table, staring back at him expectantly. She'd changed clothes, and purple really did look good on her. He looked down quickly and saw that she was still wearing a pair of stilettos that did nice things for her legs.

He met her eyes and smiled as if he'd not just checked her out.

"Did we have a date?"

A flash of something went across her face and was gone.

"No, but there are a few things that need to be cleared in order for business to continue as normal tomorrow."

She held out a sizable stack of papers in one hand and a neat ball-point pen in the other.

"Sure, Pep. Gimme a minute."

"Tony –"

"Just a minute!"

He rushed back up the stairs while trying to look like he wasn't in a hurry. As he passed Anna's room, he heard water running and asked,

"Why didn't you tell me Pepper was here?"

"I believe you said," the A.I's voice cut away to be replaced by Tony's own, "'Surprise me'. Did I misunderstand?"

"J.A.R.V.I.S, you're a jerk."

His bedroom had a great view of the beach, but he ignored it entirely for the sight that he made in his mirror. His Armani shirt flopped damply in his hands, sand dusted his hair and white T-shirt, mud was ground into his pants, and he had no idea where he'd left his shoes.

"Yeah, I'm gonna need more than a minute."

**oOo**

A/N: is it just me or does anyone else have problems absorbing school information at the beginning of the semesters?

I have seen Pepper/Tony called Pepperony. I can't call it that because it's silly and makes me hungry. Even so, next segment of B's and D's will feature that (I think) prominently. This is subject to change though. I mean, it's me.


End file.
